Chelsea vs Spurs: The One That Spurs Quit Champions League For

Diego Will Stare Into Your Soul

Much has been made this week about European competition and the direct effect it has on domestic results. But what’s the point of fighting to qualify for a competition if you’re only going to whinge about being in it? Tottenham took it a step further and essentially chose a result at Stamford Bridge rather than continuing on in the Champions League.

What they hadn’t planned on was the result which they came away with. Even if they’d won, three points likely won’t make or break their season come May. But a mid-week mishap at Monaco would would mean the end of their Champions League campaign, so why prioritise the domestic game? Why give up Champions League to get a domestic result in hopes of — qualifying for Champions League?

Chelsea vs Bristol Rovers: The One That Was in the 2nd Round of the League Cup

Batman & Ruben

Remember when Tuesday night’s were for Champions League matches? Me neither. COME BACK CHAMPIONS LEAGUE — I MISS YOU It doesn’t get much better than the second round of the league cup. The last time Chelsea made an appearance this early Antonio Conte was lifting the Champions League trophy, Ruben Loftus-Cheek had just arrived in the world and Take That were splitting up. All in all a pretty good year.

Chelsea vs Everton: The One That Was Offside

Carnage

The insistence of playing John Obi Mikel and Nemanja Matic together reminds me of Rachel’s trifle from Friends. Just because meat is good* and jam is good does not mean they should co-exist in the same dish or on the same pitch.

In theory, the pairing should work to create a glorious fortress of solitude in front of the back four, but for whatever reason it just makes a mess of any semblance of shape and a disconnectedness between the attack and everyone else. They are trying to do the same job, but seemingly in the same place at the same time rather than spreading their considerable size across the pitch. In other words they leave a massive gaping hole for anyone just to have a leisurely stroll through. Which is exactly what Everton did for large expanses of Saturday’s little slice of chaos.

Chelsea v West Brom: The One With The Good, The Bad & The Ugly Subs

Costa wants Filipe Luis' headband back

'I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring'

Chelsea are nothing if not consistent this season, at least in terms of results. They have won just a single Premier League match each month since the start of the season — and don’t look like they’re about to buck that trend any time soon

Unfortunately, with Crystal Palace being January’s victim supporters have a long old month ahead of them. The teasing glimpses of hope against West Brom last night was almost cruel. But in fairness, we really should all know better by now. With West Brom’s last win at the Bridge coming around the time Monty Python started filming the Life of Brian - there was *some* promise for those little scamps from west London.

Chelsea vs Aston Villa: The One that Chelsea Won

No Cesc, you don't get assists when Own Goal scores

Like spotting a Yeti, fans at Stamford Bridge were treated to a rare sighting on Saturday - Vin Diesel. And almost as good as that was - a win! Huzzah!! It was touch and go at times, but Saturday’s relegation battle saw Chelsea come away with all three points and reach the dizzying heights of 11th in the table! That’s right boys and girls — Chelsea are within touching distance of that elusive half of the table. And if that wasn't enough - they're almost evens on goal differential. No longer the worst defense in the league. Hope you lot got your pints in.

If ever there was a team that Chelsea needed to face in midst of - we'll call it a slump - it would be Aston Villa. The hosts have outscored Villa 13-1 in their last 3 visits and Tactics Tim has been struggling. And by struggling I mean taking 1 point from his last 21 going into Saturday's match. Not to say there was a hope in hell of another 8-0 appearing out of the mist … Chelsea are not Newcastle. But with his back firmly planted against the wall, Tim Sherwood was always going to play conservatively - despite the teams that have come to Stamford Bridge before Villa this season and just had a proper go.

Everton vs Chelsea: The One Chelsea Lost (Again)

Steven Naismith's biggest fan

There was a good chance that this opening paragraph would just be an expletive laden rant and certainly could still devolve into that. Apologies in advance. But really, with the turgid performances that have been on display there just aren’t a lot of words in the English language better suited to describe what we’re all witnessing at the moment.

Chelsea vs Tottenham: The One Where Tottenham Continued Being Spursy at Stamford Bridge

Everyone devastated about Matic's 1 match suspension

Although trying to get into Stamford Bridge last night was a special kind of hell with not all the gates functioning and a somewhat inebriated crowd - the payoff was worth it* for those who managed to survive the crush on the way in. Because Chelsea’s favourite guest was in the house last night and were as accommodating as ever.

SAFC v CFC: The One Where Chelsea Remembered It Was November

Black Friday Sale on Cahills!

Off the back of two outstanding performances, West Brom and Schalke for those of you who's memories are fragile from a night out in Newcastle, the Sunderland match was anything but. It wasn't fun. It wasn't a tactical masterclass. It wasn't a win. But it wasn't really  the worst result.

Crystal Palace vs Chelsea: The One with All the Balls

Towards the end of last season, Chelsea had become accustomed to dropping points in matches that they were expected to win. After the defeat at Selhurst Park in March, Jose Mourinho noted on a journalist's pad what Chelsea were missing most were "balls". Seven months on and they headed into Saturday's derby without their striker and his dodgy hamstring -- but did anyone really notice?

Everton vs Chelsea: Not a Masterclass in Defence - But Loads of Fun

Update: They kissed & made up

Well, that was a bit of fun, wasn’t it?! I feel pretty confident in saying that NO ONE saw that coming. Goodison Park normally a difficult ground for anyone to go to - Chelsea scoring just 2 goals in their last 3 trips there combined. The only two guarantees were Steven Naismith was going to score — again. And Eto’o was going to score no matter how little time he got against Chelsea.

Like Didier Drogba on the opening day, Diego Costa rose from the dead to feature in the starting lineup. With Torres off to sample some ossobuco and no one in to take his place, it appeared Mourinho didn’t have much choice but to start Costa - injured or not. It took just 36 seconds for any concerns about the ‘injury’ to evaporate. And another 2 minutes for the game to appear fully in Chelsea’s control. 

But after Arsenal battled back against them a week ago, Everton were not prepared to just sit back and let Chelsea park any sort of multi-passenger vehicle. They were also fully prepared to take full advantage of the stellar job that Moss and his assistants did yesterday awarding offside goals and letting Tim Howard’s beard catch a ball just about anywhere he wants.

And all of that in just 45 minutes! There was fear that the second half couldn’t live up to the thrilling first half. Surely Mourinho would just shut up shop and head back to London with three points in hand. Boring, boring Chelsea and all that.

Everton vs Chelsea: The One with All the Goals

After facing two promoted sides in their opening 2 games, Chelsea were up against their first real test of the season as they headed to Goodison Park for Saturday's late kick off. Having netted just twice in their last 3 games there and amidst claims that their first choice striker was facing a battle with fitness, the Blues looked like they might be in for a long afternoon.

However, within 3 minutes the home side found themselves on the back foot, conceding 2 goals in quick succession. Everton had faced a similar defensive slip last time out as Arsenal were able to score 2 goals within 7 minutes of each other. Martínez noted in his post-match press conference that it wasn’t a matter of skill but attitude, and something he’d look to improve - and quickly.

Everton were unfazed by the 2 goal deficit and set out to battle back as they had done in their opening game of the season at Leicester. They controlled possession for not only large parts of the first half but throughout the game, boasting 62% possession.

However, it’s not possession that wins football games but goals, and there plenty of those from both sides. José Mourinho lamented that he could have spent last Wednesday at home with his kids rather than waste his time practicing nothing but defending set-pieces as it would have had the same outcome. Steven Naismith has become a familiar nemesis to Chelsea’s defence and he scored his 3rd in 4 games against the West London side.

Despite there being 8 different goalscorers on Saturday evening, the focus was very much on Diego Costa for as much as he did on the ball as he did off. There were some questions about his fitness in the buildup to Saturday as he’d aggravated a recurring hamstring injury. Had he missed out, it would have left Chelsea in the position of lining up against 2 strikers they let go over the summer yet without their own first choice centre-forward available. 

Any doubts about Costa’s fitness were erased within moments after he got on the end of a through ball from Cesc Fábregas to score his first of the day within 36 seconds. It was Costa’s third shot on target and third goal in Chelsea’s opening 3 games. An efficient way to endear himself to his new supporters.

What would have delighted Mourinho most, however, would have been his striker's work rate. He didn’t shy away from defensive duties, tracking back throughout the game. In fact, only Nemanja Matic made more tackles and interceptions (7) than Costa did (6) in the clash.

To the disappointment of Seamus Coleman, Mourinho left Diego Costa on for the duration of the match and by the end of Saturday night he’d become the top scorer in Europe’s top 5 leagues this season (only to be over taken by Zlatan Ibrahimovic on Sunday). Costa is now just 1 Premier League goal away from Fernando Torres' total in the whole of last season (5). Apprehension about whether Costa can remain as prolific in front of goal in the Premier League as he had been in La Liga has all but been alleviated, although it does still remain to be seen if he can do it on a wet Tuesday night in Stoke.

Premier League: Team of the Season

It's that time of the year for people to put fake teams together and ponder the what-ifs if this were actually at team. The players selected here are ones that impressed (me) this season. In a bid to set aside bias, it is not Chelsea's starting XI even if the team has a blue hue. With the excitement of a season that saw both the favourite and richest club go and win the darn thing, there could be an argument for more City players to make an appearance in this XI. Yaya Touré the most glaring omission. He had a brilliant season following in Frank Lampard's footsteps scoring 20 goals in a season. So rather than include him in the XI, he gets a special mention.

Swansea vs Chelsea: Continuing the BA-ttle

"Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza"

If Sunday's early game did anything it was to throw Chelsea supporters into a bit of a wobble as they tried to do some quick math and put personal feelings aside. Which result would be most palatable pitted against which result would benefit Chelsea's title hopes the most. Taking a moment here to curse Pulis' Palace for this decision even having to be made and then moving on.

Mathematically, a Liverpool win was Chelsea's most beneficial result, as distasteful as it felt. If Chelsea went on to beat Swansea (spoiler alert: they did) it would mean that if Chelsea don't Palace it up again and win their remaining 4 (FOUR!) games with City dropping a couple of points in one of their 26 games in hand - we could see Mourinho wear a trophy like a crown once again.

Sounds easy enough. Chelsea have shown time and again this season that they know how to handle a big match matching title challengers and just about every step. The crux of that ,of course, is 3 of Chelsea's 4 remaining games are against relegation fodder. The fixtures that recall the recent trips to Palace and Villa or even the visit from London's Eastenders.

Chelsea vs Stoke: Stoke’s Aversion to Goals at the Bridge Continues

So. Much. Hair.

After losing 3-1 away in a Champions League tie, is to host Stoke in the PL right before the continental types make their way to Stamford Bridge. Of course this time around there wasn’t a flurry of other matches and managerial changes before Stoke at home but the similarities are close enough to give those in and around SW6 enough hope going into Tuesday night’s tie.

Crystal Palace vs Chelsea: Tony Pulis’ Lucky Number 13

"You know what happens when ballboys waste time vs Chelsea"

From the outside, things looked brilliant for Chelsea going into Saturday’s game with Palace. Not only had they just humiliated Arsenal a week before, but Tony Pulis had never managed a win over a Chelsea side - losing on 10 of those occasions. TEN. But for those who know Chelsea a little better than the casual outside, they’ll have had some trepidation. They’ll know Chelsea will make things as hard for themselves as possible - easily beating title contenders and struggling against anyone that looks set for a stint in the Championship.

Chelsea vs Arsenal: 999 Games + 1 Wenger Would Like to Forget

Not Kieran Gibbs

You may not have heard, but Saturday was Arsene Wenger's 1000th game in charge of Arsenal. The press had kept it pretty quiet in the roundup, so thought I'd make sure you lot knew. And although I had something pretty special intended for the post-mortem on the match, I thought I'd send in Kieran Gibbs to do it instead.

With the special relationship which the managers have developed over the years, Arsene Wenger was undoubtedly delighted to mark the occasion of his big game against his close personal friend Jose Mourinho. A man he has yet to see victory over on or off the pitch.

Chelsea vs Tottenham: A Masterclass in Tim Sherwood

Samuel Eto'o: consummate performer/occasional goalscorer 

With Tim Sherwood preparing his squad by noting what a poor record they have at Stamford Bridge, what could possibly go wrong? Well, outside of the massive Champions League flag being displayed for those that travelled from the far reaches of North London it started fairly well for Sherwood FC. Vertonghen tormenter Torres had to pull out of the match due to problem in and around his bathing suit parts. And with no Chelsea player managing a goal after scoring a hat-trick this season, Spurs had to be chuffed that OAP Samuel Eto'o would be taking his place.

Chelsea vs Newcastle: The Little Horse "Learning" to Jump (City + Arsenal)

Ivanovic assists Hazard in more way than one

It might come as a surprise to some of you, but I don't José Mourinho actually meant what he said about Chelsea just trying to finish top 4 this season. I know. Minds blown. If you need to take a minute to consider that, I'm happy to wait here for you .... And by wait here I mean top up a G&T.

Manchester City vs Chelsea: Only Fools & Horses

Ivanovic's Head & Shoulders Tribute to Hart

After the Dickensian display from last Wednesday, it was with trepidation that just about anyone with even a passing interest in football got excited about the Gary Neville show Monday Night Football. Big matches get so built up that they usually fall flatter than most of my 'jokes' in the office.

Everyone had a good laugh at 100% of people who predicted that Mourinho would park a bigger and better bus that Allardyce could every dream of having when low and behold, he sent Chelsea out to play -- and win. Tactics ahoy. It's quite possible that so much 'tactic-ing*' was used in this match that preparation for last Wednesday were mildly overlooked. If you close your eyes and try really hard, you might be able to forget about what didn't happened against West Ham.