Everton 0-1 Chelsea: The one where Chelsea won at Goodison Park

Thiago Silva ageing like a fine wine

Chelsea's start to the 2022/23 season is not going to go down as a classic. It was laboured and had not one but two medical emergencies - on and off the pitch. The lone goal a penalty struck deep into first-half injury time. But none of that matters. It was a win away at their bogey ground all while facing Frank Lampard in the dugout and bedding in new signings. A brilliant way to kick-off the campaign and set the tone for a season like no other.

Everton 1-0 Chelsea: The one where Frank Lampard celebrated against Chelsea

Rudiger's shot hits Pickford in the face

There doesn't feel like there was a point this season that Chelsea haven't been sat comfortably in the third place, neatly tucked behind Man City and Liverpool as they slug it out. But in recent weeks, it's all decidedly got uncomfortable with Tuchel's side getting sucked into the vortex that is the fourth place race.

The one where Chelsea sack a club legend

Frank Lampard

I have a confession to make. I’m guilty. Guilty of naivety to the extreme. I genuinely thought this time it really would be different. I've been brought up with the notion that if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. However, on this occasion, I thought maybe this time. In that moment,  I bought into Chelsea's brave new world of project over placeholder. Chelsea got me hook, line and sinker. 

If truth be told, my default setting is set to something with an edge of cynicism. I like to think I look beyond the superficial lead that is being ushered in by the well-paid PR machines. To be inquisitive over what’s really the driving force behind the stories. The actual truth of it all rather than just what they want you to see. 

Leicester 2-0 Chelsea: The one Brendan Rodgers finally beat Chelsea

Christian Pulisic is all Chelsea fans today

Tuesday night's defeat at the King Power did not feel good. Defeats never do - it's the nature of the beast. Despite Leicester having a brilliant season under Brendan Rodgers, they are now top of the table after all, this felt like a particularly difficult defeat to digest. Which comes down to the performance itself rather than the final scoreline. There didn't appear to be a lot of fight coming from within the players themselves - but is it all a perception.

Chelsea 4-0 Morecambe: The one where Kepa kept a clean sheet

Everyone needs Mason Mount in their lives 

When the lineups dropped on Saturday ahead of kick-off, the crazy once again erupted out of some of you. I'm not going to say it's the same ones who've been calling for Frank Lampard's head and think we should be winning the league with a new squad by Christmas. But probably those people. The issue this time appeared to be that youth had been abandoned for a strong team. How dare 'youngsters' not get a chance against League Two's Morecambe.

I'm going to let out a sigh and have a coffee and address how problematic this is - beyond clogging up my Twitter timeline with a bunch of whingers who will literally never be happy with Chelsea. And probably with life.

Chelsea 1-3 Man City: The one where reality set in

Kevin de Bruyne reminding Chelsea what could have been 

There had been more than a good chance that Chelsea's must-win crunch clash with Manchester City was going to be called off on Sunday afternoon. Six of City's first team along with a development squad player and staff members had all tested positive for Covid. Their previous match against Everton had been postponed while their training ground had been temporarily closed for a deep clean. As the match approached these positive results were revealed along with a breach in protocol from Benjamin Mendy. 

Chelsea 1-1 Aston Villa: The One that Chelsea threw away

This man is goals

Frank Lampard rung in the changes following Chelsea's embarrassing defeat at Arsenal. In part to send a warning, in part because Monday's Aston Villa clash fell less than 48 hours later. Only the boss really knows. 

Chelsea 3-0 West Ham: The one before Christmas

Thiago Silva and Olivier Giroud getting better with age 

Despite not quite hitting the halfway point in the season for matches played, Christmas is always a good marker for assessing the season so far. While Chelsea are currently sat in fifth following the win over London rivals West Ham, they're just 2 points off of second. In a very strange season, that saw the influx of eight new players to bed in without any pre-season at all - it's a decent position.

Chelsea 3-1 Leeds: The one that saw the return of actual fans

Unbeaten in the air

It's been eight long months but Saturday night finally saw the return of fans to Stamford Bridge. It may have only been two thousand and the ticket prices were grossly inflated - do better Chelsea - but it was magic to see supporters back in the stands. It was a step in the right direction.

Chelsea 0-0 Tottenham: The one that was Roman Abrahmovich's 1000th match as owner

Legend

608 wins. 216 draws. 176 defeats. Five Premier League titles. Five FA Cups. Three League Cups. Three European trophies. Not a bad run for Roman Abramovich. It's only the tip of the iceberg for what he has brought to the club. From overhauling the training ground to building an academy envied by so many. The Roman Empire has reigned in London and long may it continue.

Chelsea 3-0 Rennes: The one that Edouard Mendy faced his former club

Did it surprise anyone else that this was the first time in ten years that Chelsea have kept five consecutive clean sheets? Ten years! I appreciate over the last 14 months, Chelsea have had their moments at the back. But it seems unfathomable that over the last decade the club have not put together a proper run of clean sheets.

Man United 0-0 Chelsea: The one where no one wanted to make a mistake

Like a city bus, you wait your managerial career for a goalless draw to come along and get two in less than a week. You are welcome neutrals. The Premier League had become a little too fun this season with mad results and goals galore. It's important to have balance -- something Chelsea could do with a little more of at the moment.

While loathe to ever agree with the musings of a mad man, Patrice Evra did make a solid point when he went to war with Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink following Man United's stalemate with Chelsea. Both teams were playing from a position of fear. Neither side were willing to open themselves up in case they found their defence under siege.

Chelsea 0-0 Sevilla: The one Frank Lampard had his first goalless draw

Having played out their last Champions League match in August, the return didn't have quite pomp it usually has when it returns to our lives. Knowing there aren't brilliant away days in our near future certainly doesn't help matters either. But to think 2012 runners-up Bayern were crowned champions just a few weeks ago and here we are at the start of a new campaign. Relentless and strange.

For the first time in his time as Chelsea boss, Frank Lampard saw no goals. That's an extraordinary run of games to go to reach this stage. Although for the sake of sainity and entertainment, let's hope it's not end game. While a Chelsea clean sheet is akin to spotting a unicorn these days, it's really not worth it if the attacking side is going to be sacrificed. Balance is everything.

Tottenham 1-1 Chelsea: The one Eric Dier needed a poo

Never has the feeling of peaked too soon felt more apt than it did on Tuesday night. Everything seemed to fall right. Tottenham were to have an important Europa League clash just two days after this and Jose Mourinho openly admitted it was his priority. While you can write off his words as 'mind games' when the lineups dropped - he backed himself. Spurs started without a recognised striker.

Inside twenty minutes Timo Werner solidified is growing cult status amongst the Chelsea faithful to open the scoring in a well-worked goal. With the way he's performed since arriving at Stamford Bridge it feels suprising that this was his first goal for the club. If only the final whistle could have just been blown then. Spoiler... it wasn't.

Chelsea 6-0 Barnsley: The one King Kai scored his first ever hat-trick

If ever there was a perfect tonic for a slightly de-moralising defeat, it would be playing lower league opposition. In the Cup. At Stamford Bridge. Occasionally those teams will rock up with a swash-buckling swagger infused from the freedom of lack of expectation. This was not one of those times.

Not to undermine anyone's performance on Wednesday night, but Barnsley did offer as much help as possible. Four of their players were dinged with errors that led directly to goal. If felt as if they were trying to get the match over with as quickly as possible - forgetting that in fact, they would have to play out the full ninety no matter the scoreline.

For anyone worried about what would happen to the youngsters that won over hearts last season for Chelsea with all these new faces need not worry. Tammy Abraham showed not only was he able to rise to the challenge but integrate virtually seamlessly with some of the new faces. He may have opened the scoring but it was his link up play with Kai Havertz that really stood out. Which should give Frank Lampard more attacking headaches options than he may have anticipated.

Chelsea 0-2 Liverpool: The one that Andreas Christensen saw red

You know when the team news drops and you see what should be a problem area for the opposition and you're feeling good. You think to yourself this is the one. If we can just exploit that 'weakness' it should all come together. And then it very much does not? That's exactly what happened on Sunday afternoon.

Liverpool were to face Chelsea with just one recognised centre back. With Joe Gomez and Joel Matip unavailable Fabinho slotted in next to Virgil van Dijk. It was the the dream that quickly turned into a nightmare. Of course he turned into prime Fabio Cannavaro.

Brighton 1-3 Chelsea: The one with a lot of new faces

There's always something terribly exciting about the first game of a new season. It's not just a clean slate, an opportunity to put the sins of the previous season behind us. It's a moment of hope and re-connection. Most seasons there is a  brilliant first day of school vibe in the stands. Supporters who spend the season together shoulder to shoulder, sharing the highs and lows of every one of those 90 minutes get to see one another again. Often spending a summer apart there's a chance to catch up on one another's lives before quickly decompressing the transfers and expectations for the season ahead.

The start of this season was never going to be like any other. Fans are still relegated to watching behind a screen and will have to wait to see the familiar faces and the sounds that make the match going experience what it really is. Like much of the last six months, we will persevere and make the most of it - but football won't ever be quite the same until fans can watch together.

Chelsea 1-0 Norwich: The one where World Cup winners play Scrabble

Looking for that triple word score

What a ridiculous let off over the weekend. After an absolute shoeing by Sheffield United on Saturday, Chelsea somehow remained in third. Leicester's second half implosion at Bournemouth not only worked in Chelsea's favour as a result - but also took the heat off as far as embarrassing performances go. Man United failing to hold on against a motivated Southampton side was a bonus.

Leicester 0-1 Chelsea: The one that saw a TRIPLE sub

This guy loves an FA Cup goal

Traditionally domestic cup games have been used as an opportunity for fringe and academy players to get a look in. And while useful to keep the squad fresh and give as many players an opportunity throughout the season making six changes to the team against opposition higher in the table isn't really best practice. This isn't the Chelsea of old where academy kids don't get a chance.

Frank Lampard has given no less than eight academy products a debut this season. There's no need to experiment for cup games especially on the back of this restart. The team need a little cohesion. This was the time to keep your back-line together, maybe make three changes to give players a rest - and use those five subs when the game is in hand.

Aston Villa 1-2 Chelsea: The first one of Project Restart

Frank Lampard sits where he wants

It took more than 100 days but the Premier League is finally back in all of our lives. But not quite as we know it. No fans, lots of elbow bumps and far too many water breaks. But who cares?! How good was it to be able to watch Chelsea again? And by good I definitely mean nerve wracking and a bit shouty at times, at least in my front room.