Everton 0-1 Chelsea: The one where Chelsea won at Goodison Park

Thiago Silva ageing like a fine wine

Chelsea's start to the 2022/23 season is not going to go down as a classic. It was laboured and had not one but two medical emergencies - on and off the pitch. The lone goal a penalty struck deep into first-half injury time. But none of that matters. It was a win away at their bogey ground all while facing Frank Lampard in the dugout and bedding in new signings. A brilliant way to kick-off the campaign and set the tone for a season like no other.

Everton 1-0 Chelsea: The one where Frank Lampard celebrated against Chelsea

Rudiger's shot hits Pickford in the face

There doesn't feel like there was a point this season that Chelsea haven't been sat comfortably in the third place, neatly tucked behind Man City and Liverpool as they slug it out. But in recent weeks, it's all decidedly got uncomfortable with Tuchel's side getting sucked into the vortex that is the fourth place race.

Chelsea 4-0 Everton: The one that Carlo Ancelotti returned

King Carlo + Super Frank

Back in 2016 Antonio Conte's side had started to pick up momentum in what ultimately would be a title-winning campaign. But it was the total domination of an Everton side in November of that season that had the rest of the league talking even leaving manager Ronald Koeman with nothing but praise after their demolition.

Not that Chelsea are in the midst of a title-run... but this match had the same buzz around Stamford Bridge. That this Chelsea side are on the cusp of something and things are finally falling into place for Frank Lampard.

Chelsea vs Everton: The one that Rooney sweated through his Spanx

'You call this hot?! Pffftt'

Hot fun in the summertime. Or if you were in the East stand or Gate 15 more like melt your face off fun in the summertime. And come away blind like you’re Donald Trump staring straight into an eclipse kind of fun. Despite the sweat stains cropping up where sweat stains should never be - it was a fun day out at Stamford Bridge, especially after Chelsea’s last outing there.

Less so if you’re a team that’s already played SEVEN competitive matches this season — including three in the last week. A maddening schedule at the best of times. This kind of fixture congestion is usually saved for Christmas. I’m not convinced that Ronaldo Koeman feels like Christmas came early for his side.

Chelsea vs Everton: The One That Remembered

Costa: caged

After some of the scenes last season, I had braced myself for a season of transition. Some dodgy results to come Chelsea’s way and hopefully a handful of players fighting for a position under the new regime. Nothing that has happened in the last 18 months prepared me for Saturday’s scintillating performance.

Difficult to imagine that before the weekend, Everton boasted the second best defence in the Premier League — conceding just 8 goals in their opening 8 fixtures. They left London lucky not to have conceded that many in the afternoon. If not more. But just how did we get there?

Everton vs Chelsea: The One When Costa Fell in Love & Terry Was a Striker

Love is all around

After starting Wednesday's game against PSG with Chelsea's strongest (available) XI and it resulting in a loss, Guus Hiddink was going to take no chances on Saturday with his impervious domestic unbeaten run. Hiddink rekindled a partnership more uncomfortable than Jerry Hall and Rupert Murdoch - yes, Nemanja Matic and John Obi Mikel found themselves together again.

Rather than bang on about how the combination effectively reduces the effectiveness of either yet again I’ll just leave you with the results which Chelsea have incurred when they have started together

Chelsea vs Everton: The One That Was Offside

Carnage

The insistence of playing John Obi Mikel and Nemanja Matic together reminds me of Rachel’s trifle from Friends. Just because meat is good* and jam is good does not mean they should co-exist in the same dish or on the same pitch.

In theory, the pairing should work to create a glorious fortress of solitude in front of the back four, but for whatever reason it just makes a mess of any semblance of shape and a disconnectedness between the attack and everyone else. They are trying to do the same job, but seemingly in the same place at the same time rather than spreading their considerable size across the pitch. In other words they leave a massive gaping hole for anyone just to have a leisurely stroll through. Which is exactly what Everton did for large expanses of Saturday’s little slice of chaos.

Everton vs Chelsea: The One Chelsea Lost (Again)

Steven Naismith's biggest fan

There was a good chance that this opening paragraph would just be an expletive laden rant and certainly could still devolve into that. Apologies in advance. But really, with the turgid performances that have been on display there just aren’t a lot of words in the English language better suited to describe what we’re all witnessing at the moment.

Chelsea vs Everton: The One Where One Paper Thought Ivanovic Became a Vampire

Ivanovic is a man who just needs a cuddle

I don't want to ruin anything Daily Mail, but it looks like it's been left to me to tell you -- vampires aren't a real thing. I know, it's hard to grasp. With the questionable popularity of things like Twilight -- or for those of a certain generation Interview with a Vampire. But they aren't real. And when a player bites another player, those tendencies and cravings for human flesh are not transferred. It is a Luis Suárez specific condition I'm afraid.

This may have come as a shock, so I'll understand if you need to take a minute here DM...

Everton vs Chelsea: Not a Masterclass in Defence - But Loads of Fun

Update: They kissed & made up

Well, that was a bit of fun, wasn’t it?! I feel pretty confident in saying that NO ONE saw that coming. Goodison Park normally a difficult ground for anyone to go to - Chelsea scoring just 2 goals in their last 3 trips there combined. The only two guarantees were Steven Naismith was going to score — again. And Eto’o was going to score no matter how little time he got against Chelsea.

Like Didier Drogba on the opening day, Diego Costa rose from the dead to feature in the starting lineup. With Torres off to sample some ossobuco and no one in to take his place, it appeared Mourinho didn’t have much choice but to start Costa - injured or not. It took just 36 seconds for any concerns about the ‘injury’ to evaporate. And another 2 minutes for the game to appear fully in Chelsea’s control. 

But after Arsenal battled back against them a week ago, Everton were not prepared to just sit back and let Chelsea park any sort of multi-passenger vehicle. They were also fully prepared to take full advantage of the stellar job that Moss and his assistants did yesterday awarding offside goals and letting Tim Howard’s beard catch a ball just about anywhere he wants.

And all of that in just 45 minutes! There was fear that the second half couldn’t live up to the thrilling first half. Surely Mourinho would just shut up shop and head back to London with three points in hand. Boring, boring Chelsea and all that.

Everton vs Chelsea: The One with All the Goals

After facing two promoted sides in their opening 2 games, Chelsea were up against their first real test of the season as they headed to Goodison Park for Saturday's late kick off. Having netted just twice in their last 3 games there and amidst claims that their first choice striker was facing a battle with fitness, the Blues looked like they might be in for a long afternoon.

However, within 3 minutes the home side found themselves on the back foot, conceding 2 goals in quick succession. Everton had faced a similar defensive slip last time out as Arsenal were able to score 2 goals within 7 minutes of each other. Martínez noted in his post-match press conference that it wasn’t a matter of skill but attitude, and something he’d look to improve - and quickly.

Everton were unfazed by the 2 goal deficit and set out to battle back as they had done in their opening game of the season at Leicester. They controlled possession for not only large parts of the first half but throughout the game, boasting 62% possession.

However, it’s not possession that wins football games but goals, and there plenty of those from both sides. José Mourinho lamented that he could have spent last Wednesday at home with his kids rather than waste his time practicing nothing but defending set-pieces as it would have had the same outcome. Steven Naismith has become a familiar nemesis to Chelsea’s defence and he scored his 3rd in 4 games against the West London side.

Despite there being 8 different goalscorers on Saturday evening, the focus was very much on Diego Costa for as much as he did on the ball as he did off. There were some questions about his fitness in the buildup to Saturday as he’d aggravated a recurring hamstring injury. Had he missed out, it would have left Chelsea in the position of lining up against 2 strikers they let go over the summer yet without their own first choice centre-forward available. 

Any doubts about Costa’s fitness were erased within moments after he got on the end of a through ball from Cesc Fábregas to score his first of the day within 36 seconds. It was Costa’s third shot on target and third goal in Chelsea’s opening 3 games. An efficient way to endear himself to his new supporters.

What would have delighted Mourinho most, however, would have been his striker's work rate. He didn’t shy away from defensive duties, tracking back throughout the game. In fact, only Nemanja Matic made more tackles and interceptions (7) than Costa did (6) in the clash.

To the disappointment of Seamus Coleman, Mourinho left Diego Costa on for the duration of the match and by the end of Saturday night he’d become the top scorer in Europe’s top 5 leagues this season (only to be over taken by Zlatan Ibrahimovic on Sunday). Costa is now just 1 Premier League goal away from Fernando Torres' total in the whole of last season (5). Apprehension about whether Costa can remain as prolific in front of goal in the Premier League as he had been in La Liga has all but been alleviated, although it does still remain to be seen if he can do it on a wet Tuesday night in Stoke.

QPHa Ha Ha ... But This Time the Joke is on Chelsea

"I don't know how it happened either.
I just told them to go out and run around."

Hindsight is twenty twenty and all that, but no one needed hindsight to realise the team that the interim manager had selected was not going to be up to the task - even against bottom feeders QPR. It was remiss of said interim manager to look at QPR’s points tally only - as it wasn’t even half the picture.


The reality is Chelsea do not have the depth of squad they once possessed and do need to rotate if they are to remain competitive. Brilliant. But when you’re taking on a team that have only conceded eight goals on the road this season, it might have made some sense to consider an attacking minded lineup to get past that parked bus. Call me crazy, and I know you often do, but it seems pretty simple.

Combine that with the fact that Chelsea have a FA Cup match against a team that concedes loads of goals, and therefore could field a defensive team with some fresh faces .... And if the interim manager didn’t want to quite go that far, surely Mata or Hazard should have started while the other was rested. All thoughts and possibilities that surely would have had an outcome better than last night.