Chelsea 0-2 Man United: The one where VAR lost the plot

VAR: Not a red...

Manchester United managed their first league double over Chelsea since 1988. And the first time they've managed it without conceding since 1965. None of those formidable Sir Alex Ferguson sides managed it. But here we are.

It was another frustrating night out at Stamford Bridge. And not the ideal preparation for a now very much in-form Bayern Munich side. Olivier Giroud once again overlooked for a starting place while Kepa still bizarrely remains on the sidelines.

Kawasaki Frontale 1-0 Chelsea: The one that Christian Pulisic made his debut

*INSERT OBVIOUS JOKE HERE*

Three pre-season games in and Frank Lampard has suffered his first defeat as Chelsea boss. And as much as anyone says that pre-season results don’t matter, it could not have felt good. But it isn’t all doom and gloom in July… those new mod kits got their first run out and looked good doing it. They deserved better — or at least a goal.

This was the first match that saw any players see more than 45 minutes of action. In fact two players managed to endure the insane humidity for the full 90 - and not to worry, David Luiz seemed to have a good frizz control product in his hair to keep looking out of sorts. Ironically the other player that saw out the entire match was not even meant to start. Willy Caballero heroically stepped in for Kepa who was struck down with some bug but will likely see his first minutes of the summer against Barcelona on Tuesday. No pressure.

St Patrick’s Athletic 0-4 Chelsea: The one that was a diamond in the rough

Why we really watched Wimbledon

Chelsea continued their pre-season adventures in Ireland on Saturday afternoon as they faced Europa League hopeful St Patrick’s Athletic. A number of young debutants who had lined up against Bohemians were shipped back to London to link up with the development squad and prepped for impending loan deals immediately following the draw. Which led to a number of more familiar faces joining the pre-season fray at Richmond Park.

Bohemians v Chelsea: The One that Frank Lampard took charge of

Just looks right

Normally if a season ended in securing a Champions League position and picking up (another) European trophy, fans would be full of vim and vigour. The mood around Stamford Bridge could not have been further from that if they'd tried just a few weeks ago. What a difference a month has made!

SUPER FRANK IS BACK BABY!!

Chelsea vs Newcastle: The one that made a case for playing Batman

Who's lives in a pineapple under the sea...

After Chelsea took 210 actual minutes to earn themselves a penalty shootout against Championship mid-table stalwarts Norwich City in the Energy Drink Cup, it was really anyone’s guess how they would fare against a Premier League side in the better domestic cup competition. Even if that Premier League side was Newcastle. 

After watching Tottenham struggle against Newport County and Liverpool exit at the hands of Alan Pardew’s side, it was up to Chelsea to keep the FA Cup fun going (not for you neutrals. For me, you heathens). They have very much been their own worst enemy this season. But there was reason to be positive before the game.

West Ham vs Chelsea: The one that had a hot water bottle (and not much else)

Saturday’s early kick-off had the potential to ruin a lot of weekends. At least for those are Chelsea-inclined. And it certainly felt disastrous at the time, however, with as results trickled in over the next 36 hours it wasn’t SO bad. It wasn’t great, but it could have been so much worse. Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester United all dropped points keeping Chelsea safely tucked up in a Champions League place — losses to West Ham and Crystal Palace be damned.

More concerning than the actual result was the realisation that teams of a certain calibre know that they can ‘get at’ Chelsea. David Moyes’ West Ham played Champions-elect Manchester City last week. To face that free-scoring force, Moyes fielded a teenage defender and didn’t even bother with a striker. While his side are relatively injury plagued at the moment, it still highlights that they were prepared to take that loss on the chin. 

Chelsea vs Crystal Palace: The One that was an April Fool

Looking back on those opening 4 mins like...

It goes without saying - but I’ll say it anyways - Saturday didn’t exactly go to plan for Chelsea. But a little perspective might need injected here. Chelsea losing on the same weekend second place Tottenham win is far from ideal in the title race. However, the weekend’s results that left Twitter in a little mini-meltdown see Chelsea still sit seven points clear at the top of the league in April.

Chelsea vs Bristol Rovers: The One That Was in the 2nd Round of the League Cup

Batman & Ruben

Remember when Tuesday night’s were for Champions League matches? Me neither. COME BACK CHAMPIONS LEAGUE — I MISS YOU It doesn’t get much better than the second round of the league cup. The last time Chelsea made an appearance this early Antonio Conte was lifting the Champions League trophy, Ruben Loftus-Cheek had just arrived in the world and Take That were splitting up. All in all a pretty good year.

Watford vs Chelsea: The One With the Super Subs

Phwoar 

Chelsea have only gone and won another match this season. That’s two whole wins from two whole attempts. And while it doesn’t seem like much, it took them the first EIGHT games last season to get those two wins. So I will revel in this minor achievement. 

Revel!

Real Madrid vs Chelsea: The One That Saw 100K People Do a Mexican Wave

Back off Michy, he's mine

If we’re looking for obvious positives in Chelsea’s 3-2 loss to Real Madrid last night, it would be that they won’t have to face them in Champions League this season. Going 3-0 down to Real Madrid’s subs in the opening 45 minutes was not ideal. Hands up if you had flashbacks to last year’s pre-season!

While Real Madrid did have some excellent players on the pitch - they were not even close to a regular starting XI. If you do feel like a bit of casual self-harm and want to reflect back on the first half, remember there was no Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Bale, The Ramos , Luka Modric, Toni Kroos,