Chelsea 4-0 Everton: The one that Carlo Ancelotti returned

King Carlo + Super Frank

Back in 2016 Antonio Conte's side had started to pick up momentum in what ultimately would be a title-winning campaign. But it was the total domination of an Everton side in November of that season that had the rest of the league talking even leaving manager Ronald Koeman with nothing but praise after their demolition.

Not that Chelsea are in the midst of a title-run... but this match had the same buzz around Stamford Bridge. That this Chelsea side are on the cusp of something and things are finally falling into place for Frank Lampard.

Bournemouth 2-2 Chelsea: The one where the Blues were desperate for the Cherries to stay up

Not all heroes wear capes

Chelsea were just five minutes away from allowing relegation threatened Bournemouth to do the double over them. While their away form since the turn of the year has left little to be desired this is not the sort of result for a side looking to solidify their Champions League place for next season.

Following the match, Frank Lampard chalked the result up to little more than a poor ten minute spell in the second half. Which is worrying that he seems to have completely forgotten how the game began.

Leicester vs Chelsea: The one that saw improper footballers in action

Do not be alarmed. Chelsea have only gone and done a win. In a meaningful game no less. And just to keep it all really interesting the players were forced to play against the power of the tracksuit. It’s not quite turning things around at Camp Nou to progress in the Champions League - but it is a semi-final at Wembley. I will take it! So you lot can stop grumbling about the season and get yourselves up for it. Chelsea are 180 mins away from potentially lifting a trophy at the end of this season.

Some takeaways from Sunday’s game in varying degrees of usefulness as we look ahead to the end of the season

Arsenal v Chelsea: The one that doesn't count

Just wanted to take the mask off

When you lose the Community Shield, it’s not a real trophy. When you win the Community Shield — it’s still not a real trophy!! Sorry Jose Mourinho. Your desperate attempts to make it a thing at at your Thursday Night Cup victory party are as futile as Gretchen Wieners trying to make fetch happen. The FA does not deem it a competitive fixture - which is why we were all treated to Victor Moses’ attempts at thrown ins on Sunday. Thanks to his escapades in an actual competition - the FA Cup final - he’s suspended for his next competitive match. Not the Community Shield.

Liverpool vs Chelsea: The One David Luiz Made 100 PL Apps

Bottoms Up

Is there any fixture in the Premier League calendar that generates more nonsense in terms of narrative and delusion that Liverpool vs Chelsea? Before the match there were a number of comments about how ‘everyone’ was desperate for Liverpool to win this one, Jürgen Klopp included. As Liverpool fans seem to exist in a bubble, I suppose an argument could be made for them thinking it was everyone.

I suspect that sensible supporters, and I do realise that is an oxymoron, but supporters within touching distance of second would rather see both teams drop points. And I certainly find it unlikely that Manchester United fans were desperate to see Liverpool beat anyone, especially one that could draw them anywhere near top of the table.

Leicester vs Chelsea: The One Chelsea Scored Goals Without Costa

The moment Morgan gave up at life

This weekend ended up as an unexpected rollercoaster - starting with the social media meltdown that was Chinatown. As the team jetted off to Leicester, it became apparent that not everyone had travelled with the team. Diego Costa had been left at home. *gasp*

Unsurprisingly the story has trundled on and on. And then on some more. Obviously when the top goalscorer for any team doesn’t travel with the squad it has to be a story - but there seems to be some confusion as to what happened. Here’s what we can likely take from it all:

The Offer

China have made inquiries about the availability of Diego Costa. They’ve also made inquiries into half the top players in Europe. Especially if those players are involved with Kia Joorabchian or Jorge Mendes, Costa falling into the latters greedy grip. My only real disappointment here as that they have not yet made an offer for me. 

Man City vs Chelsea: The One That Had Everything (Except a Cat)

Defending his man

Is there anything that could have made Saturday’s lunch time fixture more fun? Goals, tackles flying in, dodgy calls, indignation and outrage, a little bust up at the end. I mean, I wouldn’t have said no to an animal pitch invader having a little scamper around the pitch. But for all intents and purposes this game had it all. The task here is basically futile. Words just aren’t as fun - go watch it if you somehow missed it. And not just the highlights!

Over the last two months, Antonio Conte has made this Premier League lark look pretty easy. But Chelsea haven’t faced a serious threat to their system until this weekend. It was definitely set to be a clash for the FM lovers out there. While its typical that the hype surrounding these fixtures is better than the game itself, Saturday turned out to be the opposite. Sure those ‘systems’ were dispatched, but frustration won in the end - which really was a victory for us all. 

As its been ages since the actual game - or may just feel like ages since watching the game on a loop for the last four days - I thought it prudent to just break down the best moments …

Chelsea vs Spurs: The One That Spurs Quit Champions League For

Diego Will Stare Into Your Soul

Much has been made this week about European competition and the direct effect it has on domestic results. But what’s the point of fighting to qualify for a competition if you’re only going to whinge about being in it? Tottenham took it a step further and essentially chose a result at Stamford Bridge rather than continuing on in the Champions League.

What they hadn’t planned on was the result which they came away with. Even if they’d won, three points likely won’t make or break their season come May. But a mid-week mishap at Monaco would would mean the end of their Champions League campaign, so why prioritise the domestic game? Why give up Champions League to get a domestic result in hopes of — qualifying for Champions League?

Chelsea v West Brom: The One With The Good, The Bad & The Ugly Subs

Costa wants Filipe Luis' headband back

'I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring'

Chelsea are nothing if not consistent this season, at least in terms of results. They have won just a single Premier League match each month since the start of the season — and don’t look like they’re about to buck that trend any time soon

Unfortunately, with Crystal Palace being January’s victim supporters have a long old month ahead of them. The teasing glimpses of hope against West Brom last night was almost cruel. But in fairness, we really should all know better by now. With West Brom’s last win at the Bridge coming around the time Monty Python started filming the Life of Brian - there was *some* promise for those little scamps from west London.

Chelsea vs Aston Villa: The One that Chelsea Won

No Cesc, you don't get assists when Own Goal scores

Like spotting a Yeti, fans at Stamford Bridge were treated to a rare sighting on Saturday - Vin Diesel. And almost as good as that was - a win! Huzzah!! It was touch and go at times, but Saturday’s relegation battle saw Chelsea come away with all three points and reach the dizzying heights of 11th in the table! That’s right boys and girls — Chelsea are within touching distance of that elusive half of the table. And if that wasn't enough - they're almost evens on goal differential. No longer the worst defense in the league. Hope you lot got your pints in.

If ever there was a team that Chelsea needed to face in midst of - we'll call it a slump - it would be Aston Villa. The hosts have outscored Villa 13-1 in their last 3 visits and Tactics Tim has been struggling. And by struggling I mean taking 1 point from his last 21 going into Saturday's match. Not to say there was a hope in hell of another 8-0 appearing out of the mist … Chelsea are not Newcastle. But with his back firmly planted against the wall, Tim Sherwood was always going to play conservatively - despite the teams that have come to Stamford Bridge before Villa this season and just had a proper go.

West Brom vs Chelsea: The One with Chelsea's First Win

Mou Loves Pu - The feelings are real

Apologies for the delay. My internet this week has been just about as patchy as Chelsea’s defence. A delight if your job is, you know, on the internet. Anyways, if we can all remember back that far, there was an actual game played over the weekend. And you know what? It wasn’t horrendous. Which, let’e be honest, came as some surprise.

Not only has Yokohama Chelsea not exactly lived up to it’s Korean electronic counterpart, but the Hawthorns hasn’t exactly been a happy hunting ground. Before last weekend, Chelsea had lost on 3 of their last 4 trips there. I’d hazard a guess they don’t have a worse (recent) record anywhere else. However last season’s jaunt to the midlands can be forgiven seeing as Chelsea had a) already won the league so were effectively on summer holidays and b) the sheer comedy value of Cesc Fàbregas.