Chelsea v Swansea: The One Where Diego Costa Got a Haircut

Who is this?

Before I waffle on about the happenings on the pitch this weekend, I have to take a moment and say that more than the actual result, the knee-jerk reactions at the pub on the FIRST DAY of the season was more than a little shocking. Especially from those that fall into the ‘should know better’ category. Serious moaning about how Chelsea haven’t played well in years, been papering over the cracks, and how the manager should be dismissed in favour of someone who has fresher ideas about tactics. Peak short-termism.

To those fans: Chelsea tried those managers - you hated them too. For the first half of last season, before the suspensions, injuries and tired legs kicked in - Chelsea played some of the best football they had done in years. Formidable, attacking and fun to watch. Actual journalists were impressed. And the most important point is -- it was the first match of the season, get a grip.

Swansea vs Chelsea: Continuing the BA-ttle

"Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza"

If Sunday's early game did anything it was to throw Chelsea supporters into a bit of a wobble as they tried to do some quick math and put personal feelings aside. Which result would be most palatable pitted against which result would benefit Chelsea's title hopes the most. Taking a moment here to curse Pulis' Palace for this decision even having to be made and then moving on.

Mathematically, a Liverpool win was Chelsea's most beneficial result, as distasteful as it felt. If Chelsea went on to beat Swansea (spoiler alert: they did) it would mean that if Chelsea don't Palace it up again and win their remaining 4 (FOUR!) games with City dropping a couple of points in one of their 26 games in hand - we could see Mourinho wear a trophy like a crown once again.

Sounds easy enough. Chelsea have shown time and again this season that they know how to handle a big match matching title challengers and just about every step. The crux of that ,of course, is 3 of Chelsea's 4 remaining games are against relegation fodder. The fixtures that recall the recent trips to Palace and Villa or even the visit from London's Eastenders.

Team Eden versus Team Twat

Despite 'kicking' the 'boy', the ball pops out -
almost as if he ... kicked the ball

With Bradford City bossing the headlines of this Capital One Cup tournament by taking down every Premier League opponent they face, Chelsea was going to really have to do something spectacular to get themselves front and centre of those back pages. Step up Eden Hazard - and try not to kick me.

In one of the most bizarre moments of the season, Eden Hazard ‘kicked’ a ball ‘boy’. And by kicked, I mean, toe poked the ball. And by boy, I mean a seventeen year old who refers to himself as a LAD* and is holding a tin of lager in his Twitter profile picture.

Capital One Cup's First Leg Semi A Bit Embarrassing

"Think. Think. Think. Ok Frank, I think I will put you
on for another CM, non."

About time to take up the mantra of everyone else who exits the competition and say the newly branded Capital One Cup doesn’t matter? Swarth ourselves in that Luke Skywalker in a ton-ton? Feels right, but smells just as gash. There is no glory in being eliminated from any competition, no matter how ‘mickey mouse’ the trophy is.

On a technicality, neither Villa or Chelsea are out of this semi-final. But it never really felt like either were really in it. With Villa facing Bradford City in Tuesday’s match, I opted to just keep on living my life rather than watch - which I’ve clearly now regretted. For no greater moment than Michael Owen letting twitter know that Bradford were “on fire”. That was more awkward than anyone still referring to him as a footballer.

Swansea have showed everyone, that despite the departure of Being Brendan, they are still a formidable addition to the Premier League, maybe even moreso with Michael Laudrup in charge, and Michu leading the line. So despite the 3-1 predictions that were being bandied about (moreso from the previous night’s result than anything else) it was going to be a tough game.

Fernando Finding his Feet...and Mark Gower's

Reminiscing about the 'good' times. It doesn't count
unless you do it in lederhosen.

I did briefly consider not writing about this weekend, I mean, if I don't type it, it didn't happen, right? But sod it. What else is a gym membership besides abusing their wifi to use the iPlayer and write nonsense? Yes, yes, it could in fact be used for working out and such, but there's a posh coffee bar here and I'm under caffeinated...

So despite managing two goals in two games after meticulously highlighting his hair, Fernando Torres will not in fact be scoring over the next 3 matches. He's been enjoying his time in London by watching too much Danny Dyer and pulled a proper naughty in Saturday's victory over Swansea. Is it wrong to be proud of his first red card? Maybe a little. But anyone who saw it, and with Sky having it on a constant loop for 24 hours, how could you not? But for those who saw it will know it wasn't a cynical challenge a la Scholes, but one that he may have just got a little, we'll call it, overenthusiastic. It was the first time he'd managed goals in two successive games for Chelsea, doubling his total for all of last season - surely no one can blame the lad for being excitable.

Drogba also managed to come back in fine form and within minutes of appearing on the pitch - scored. He couldn't have looked more surprised if Mikel had scored it. Of course the best way to celebrate a surprise goal like that is to don some lederhosen and head to Oktoberfest. Nice to see DD taking his recovery and preparation for Valencia this week so seriously.

In other news, Jamie Carragher has expressed his concern this week at having his record usurped by Richard Dunne. Dunne having been responsible for now a record NINE own goals, Carragher will have to step up his game in the Merseyside Derby this weekend if he wants to keep pace. We all have faith in your Carra.

Although own goals are, let's face it, always funny unless for your own club, the best part of QPR's match with Villa was not the game itself, but the fact that Warnock felt the need to come out for a second go in his post match discussion. There was a couple (only one) contentious calls for handball, and Warnock decided to review the tapes and have a second go. And if that weren't enough, he refereed to Traore as a disgrace a la Didier Drogba circa Champions League semi finals 2009. It was a fine Warnock moment. The threat of a fine for Traore was good, but to be truly great, he too should have ranted in a pair of slippers. Warnock has a lot to learn.

jb xx