West Ham 3-2 Chelsea: The one that would have seen Chelsea go third

Christian Pulisic could not have done more

Despite the season being nowhere near over, commercial commitments took centre stage on Wednesday night as Chelsea new kit and sponsor were unveiled. It has yet to be confirmed that Chelsea conceded three shocking goals as an homage to their new shirt sponsor. Let's just hope it's not a trend that they plan to continue.

West Ham have now done the double over the Blues for the first time since 2002-03, a season in which they were relegated. To further contextualize that - 20 per cent of all the points West Ham have won this season have been against Chelsea. Frank Lampard could shockingly be the man to win Liverpool the title AND keep West Ham up.

Chelsea 2-1 Man City: The one that Liverpool were NOT playing in

Captain America can't be stopped

Chelsea hosted Manchester City at Stamford Bridge on Thursday night in one of their most important matches of Project Restart. With Man United having closed the gap to just two points with a win over Sheffield United the night before, this was a must win game for the Blues in their bid to secure a Champions League place for next season.

But you wouldn't have known it was an important game if you were listening to the punditry on BT Sport. In fact, their focus was so singular that you wouldn't have known the two teams that were actually involved in the actual football match playing out if it weren't for your own eyeballs seeing it play out on screen. I appreciate narrative as part of sport - who doesn't love a story - but there are levels.

Chelsea vs Spurs: The One Where Spurs Did Not Win The League

Oh haaaiiiiii 

While considered by many to be ‘small club mentality’ or a ‘cup final’ to celebrate a victory draw to the extent Chelsea did against Tottenham on Monday night - I’m not sure it really counts when a) it’s against Spurs and b) said team has had a few fair actual cup finals to celebrate. But most of the teams bemoaning that wouldn’t know about or remember their own club’s achievements.

And let’s be honest, Chelsea fans have had literally nothing to celebrate since lifting the league trophy a year ago. The post-season / pre-season hijinks. The transfer window - incomings and a certain scrum-capped outgoing. And then the season itself. The list goes on. The Chelsea faithful deserved to have a bit of fun at least once this season to celebrate a beloved former manager and get one over on a fierce rival.

Chelsea vs Everton: The One Where One Paper Thought Ivanovic Became a Vampire

Ivanovic is a man who just needs a cuddle

I don't want to ruin anything Daily Mail, but it looks like it's been left to me to tell you -- vampires aren't a real thing. I know, it's hard to grasp. With the questionable popularity of things like Twilight -- or for those of a certain generation Interview with a Vampire. But they aren't real. And when a player bites another player, those tendencies and cravings for human flesh are not transferred. It is a Luis Suárez specific condition I'm afraid.

This may have come as a shock, so I'll understand if you need to take a minute here DM...

Chelsea vs Liverpool: The One Where Nil-Nils Are Fun

How Diego Costa celebrates a goal

Familiarity breeds contempt. A sentiment that never seems to ring truer than when Liverpool face Chelsea again and again and again. With the first leg remaining fairly tempered it was bound to bubble over last night — and definitely did. A lot.

After a fairly turgid display from both sides in the bigger and better cup FA Cup this weekend, it was good to see there was some fighting spirit in the players. Quite literally. But it wasn’t all Diego Costa’s crimes* against nature and the never-ending farewell tour of Saint Steven. Some actual football snuck in here and there.

Most surprisingly was the performance of, unrecognised by his own manager, Simon Mignolet. Some people *cough* presumed if you shot anywhere in and around his area that the goals would come flooding in. They. Did. Not. Mignolet produced some fine saves in the absence of injured Brad Jones and could just see out the season in his smashing purple garb.

Chelsea vs Stoke: Stoke’s Aversion to Goals at the Bridge Continues

So. Much. Hair.

After losing 3-1 away in a Champions League tie, is to host Stoke in the PL right before the continental types make their way to Stamford Bridge. Of course this time around there wasn’t a flurry of other matches and managerial changes before Stoke at home but the similarities are close enough to give those in and around SW6 enough hope going into Tuesday night’s tie.

Chelsea vs Tottenham: A Masterclass in Tim Sherwood

Samuel Eto'o: consummate performer/occasional goalscorer 

With Tim Sherwood preparing his squad by noting what a poor record they have at Stamford Bridge, what could possibly go wrong? Well, outside of the massive Champions League flag being displayed for those that travelled from the far reaches of North London it started fairly well for Sherwood FC. Vertonghen tormenter Torres had to pull out of the match due to problem in and around his bathing suit parts. And with no Chelsea player managing a goal after scoring a hat-trick this season, Spurs had to be chuffed that OAP Samuel Eto'o would be taking his place.

Southampton vs Chelsea: Saints & Sinners

Oh Hello 2014

Fernando Torres' New Year's resolution: score more goals.

With so much being made of no Chelsea striker scoring away from home in the Premier League for the whole of 2013, you had to have known that Torres was going to score on New Years Day. Had to. OK, even if you didn't know, I knew for you. Oh, I knew ....

Fernando Torres carried on from his brief cameo against his former shell suit sporting club like a man possessed. Not one to sit back and wait for service, Torres only went and dribbled circles around Southampton's midfield. Of course that did him and Chelsea no good in the first half, but it sure did look impressive.