Arsenal v Chelsea: The one that doesn't count

Just wanted to take the mask off

When you lose the Community Shield, it’s not a real trophy. When you win the Community Shield — it’s still not a real trophy!! Sorry Jose Mourinho. Your desperate attempts to make it a thing at at your Thursday Night Cup victory party are as futile as Gretchen Wieners trying to make fetch happen. The FA does not deem it a competitive fixture - which is why we were all treated to Victor Moses’ attempts at thrown ins on Sunday. Thanks to his escapades in an actual competition - the FA Cup final - he’s suspended for his next competitive match. Not the Community Shield.

Of course it’s still a great day out at Wembley. A little appetiser that eases you back into football after a long summer off. Unless you filled your boots with the Confederations Cup and the never-ending stream of Under-X tournaments that were on the go. But it’s not quite the same as proper club football, is it?

Chelsea are notoriously poor in the Community Shield. They’ve now lost 5 of their last 6 and each of the last 4. It is never an indication of how they, or in fact any team, will perform throughout the season. It has been years since the Community Shield winner actually went on to win the league. And while I’d happily cloak myself in that fact and stick my head in the sand — Sunday’s performance was not the one to keep me feeling warm and fuzzy.

After a relatively poor display throughout pre-season, outside of their opening game against Arsenal, it shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise. And yet it did. Personally I blame the tracksuit. On the rare occasions Antonio Conte has decided to dress like your dad heading to the corner shop on the weekend, the team have been shocking on the pitch. He’s little - he needs to stand out. The suit gives him more authority than the stare alone can muster. 

Much has been made of the teeny tiny squad size which is all well and good, but only eleven players can be on the pitch at any given point. And as this is not even match day one, there’s no exhaustion from the dozens of matches that have been played. They had more than enough players to at least look competitive in this non-competitive fixture. Something they didn’t manage until nearly the break.

Despite playing together for much of last season - it was like they’d never met each other before. Disorganised chaos for 40 minutes is not a tactic I would have anticipated, so maybe they were trying to get into Arsenal’s head. Because somehow, Chelsea did manage to go and get the opening goal. In part thanks to the post that put in a shift at keeping Alexandre Lacazette from finding the back of the net.

The goal clearly shook Arsenal who really retreated for a while. Sensing an inevitably to the result. Chelsea looked like they might just nick this. And then bolstered by the super hero powers his mask bequeathed upon him, Pedro saw fit to go through the back of Mohamed Elneny. It was a naughty challenge.

Let’s all take a moment to confess here — who else was really smug about the sending off? Come on … fess up. Ten minutes to go and has no bearing whatsoever on whether Pedro could start next week BECAUSE IT’S NOT A REAL MATCH. I’ll admit it. I was Mrs Smuggy Smuggerson about that card. Took it like a champ. Embraced it even. For an entire one hundred and twenty seconds. And within the blink of an eye, Arsenal were level with eight ruddy minutes to go. Just to put Arsenal’s goalscorer, Sead Kolasinac, into a little frame outside of body double for the Hulk — he once scored the fastest own goal in World Cup history. 

Neither Antonio Rüdiger nor Alvaro Morata were on the pitch long enough to have made an indelible impression. But for as much potential as Morata has, it’s reasonable to assume that Chelsea will could struggle for goals without Diego Costa marauding around opposition penalty areas. Maybe a partnership with Michy Batshuayi could be utilised - something unexpected. It’s clear that there needs to be a little shakeup so the champions don’t get too predictable.

As for those penalties. Woof. Sorry Gary Cahill - as much as you’d like to put onus on the system, I’m not convinced the dire execution of those penalties was ABBA’s fault. And while I fully acknowledge previously seeing with my own eyeballs Thibaut Courtois take a perfectly good penalty in the past, I can only say what the hell was that?! The power that he went with - I’m pretty sure he tried to murder someone in the upper tier and never had any intention of trying to score. The winner takes it all. And the loser has to fall.

Roll on the start of the season! 

jb xx