Kepa's current squad position perfectly sums up Chelsea disconnect

And then there was one

There's a party at my house - but only strangers have turned up.

That's currently how it feels to be a Chelsea supporter. Much is made of the £600million spent since the Americans rolled up. Something that should fuel excitement and anticipation. It certainly did during Roman Abramovich's first Football Manager style transfer window. 

Chelsea 1-1 Villarreal: The one where Chelsea won the Super Cup (again)

N'Golo Kante adding to his collection

Chelsea made history Wednesday night in Belfast. After a slightly nerve-wracking penalty shootout, their Super Cup win means they are the first and only club to have won all four European trophies twice. Excluding of course, the new weird stepchild UEFA have brought in this season - the Europa Conference League. Not a bad haul for such a 'new club'. 

With an eye on the Premier League's opening weekend, and players still recovering from international tournaments, Thomas Tuchel opted for a few surprise faces in the team to face Europa League winners Villarreal. Marcus Alonso, Callum Hudson-Odoi and Trevoh Chalobah all were named for a chance to impress and win their places for the upcoming season.

Chelsea's top target Erling Haaland willing to wait for Stamford Bridge switch

Europe's hottest property

Despite Chelsea's Champions League triumph - other trophies are available - it is evident to anyone with eyes and a penchant for fun tha goals have been sorely lacking from Thomas Tuchel's side. Making Marina Granovskaia's task this summer to find a striker. And one that is unlikely to fade under the pressure of being the Blues' number nine. 

Atletico 0-1 Chelsea: The one where Olivier Giroud scored goal of the season

'I'm flying high, defying gravity!'

It's funny how quickly form can take a turn in football. Not that Atletico were in particularly bad form when Chelsea traveled to Bucharest on Tuesday to face them. However when the draw was made, it felt like they were one of the most difficult teams the Blues could have faced. They completely dominated La Liga and were impenetrable at the back. Come February, their rivals have closed the gap, they had won just one of their previous four matches and had failed to keep a clean sheet in seven. The stars aligned for Thomas Tuchel's men.

Chelsea 3-0 Rennes: The one that Edouard Mendy faced his former club

Did it surprise anyone else that this was the first time in ten years that Chelsea have kept five consecutive clean sheets? Ten years! I appreciate over the last 14 months, Chelsea have had their moments at the back. But it seems unfathomable that over the last decade the club have not put together a proper run of clean sheets.

Krasnodar 0-4 Chelsea: The one that a penalty taking star was born

Timo Werner summed up the match perfectly when he said 'it was not as easy as the result says in the end.' Four goals flattered Chelsea - but it's not how you get there, just as long as you do. After a long 248 minutes without scoring, I'll take four whether it was a true reflection of the performance or not. Especially after that little drought! 

Chelsea 0-0 Sevilla: The one Frank Lampard had his first goalless draw

Having played out their last Champions League match in August, the return didn't have quite pomp it usually has when it returns to our lives. Knowing there aren't brilliant away days in our near future certainly doesn't help matters either. But to think 2012 runners-up Bayern were crowned champions just a few weeks ago and here we are at the start of a new campaign. Relentless and strange.

For the first time in his time as Chelsea boss, Frank Lampard saw no goals. That's an extraordinary run of games to go to reach this stage. Although for the sake of sainity and entertainment, let's hope it's not end game. While a Chelsea clean sheet is akin to spotting a unicorn these days, it's really not worth it if the attacking side is going to be sacrificed. Balance is everything.

Chelsea 0-3 Bayern Munich: The one Chelsea faced a Canadian

Olivier Giroud is a whole mood

 Before the season began no one really knew what to expect from this Chelsea side and Frank Lampard. Which means for many hopes had to be managed in terms of what they could reasonably achieve this season. Top six finish? Good cup run? Champions League knockout stages?

They made it a little too exciting to get this far, but this young side against the odds made the Champions League last-16. Only to promptly draw Bayern Munich. And yes, of course, there was that other time they played Bayern...

Watford vs Chelsea: The one that saw tears (and not just Chelsea fans’)

Cesar knows

There’s no getting around the fact that the Chelsea results of 2018 have been poor. Shipping seven goals across 180 minutes does not feel good. No matter who the opposition are or where the team plays. And sitting through three consecutive goalless draws did not feel a shade better. However, some people need to dial their crisis-o-meter’s back a bit.

Some people might want think about what they’re doing and give themselves a social media timeout before their faces melt off. Fans are rife with entitlement and finger pointing. Looking for any sort of scape goat. Two things to always keep in mind are that no team wins every match and when there’s a clusterfuck of results, it’s never one person’s fault. So you’re only working yourselves into an embarrassing state for nothing.

Roma vs Chelsea: The one that was gone in 60 seconds

Whenever Halloween rolls around you’re meant to witness some sort of horror show, right? I’m not one for the truly frightening and usually go out of my way to avoid it at all costs — but it often proves difficult at this, the most sinister time of year. <insert creepy Vincent Price voice> This year I’m not sure whether I should thank Chelsea for fulfilling the creepy quota for me or not. 

In fairness, scoreline aside, it was really the second half the Chelsea fell apart. Despite conceding just 40 seconds into the match, and another just before the break - the Blues played some excellent football between those two goals. Which by the meltdown on social media seems all but forgotten. You always want to go out on a high as it’s how you’ll be remembered. And as Tuesday has proven the inverse is very much true.

Maccabi vs Chelsea: The One with Kisses & Cuddles

JoMo working on his half-time team talk

Chelsea only went and did another win on Tuesday night. Subsequently they have found themselves in what could be the most awkward three-way since Bruce, Kris and Caitlyn Jenner. Before cracking on with how they got there - all you need to know is that IF Chelsea don’t lose - they are through to the knockout stages. Of course they will be playing the one team fighting for their lives. And said team may have a goalkeeper with a vendetta against Mourinho  … but … narrative!

If you can believe it - Chelsea have now managed consecutive wins and kept clean sheets! It’s the first time they’ve managed that since, well, the last time they faced Maccabi Tel Aviv. Of course the wins have nothing to do with the level of opposition. It’s all about another corner being turned, right? RIGHT?

Dynamo vs Chelsea: The One with the 40 Year Old Keeper

As old as Diego Costa looks

After Saturday’s ‘successful’ experiment with the Chelsea lineup, Jose Mourinho decided that Chelsea’s Champions League opponents this week just may be a little more difficult to beat than an under pressure Tim Sherwood and his band of merry men. Both Eden Hazard and Nemanja Matic were relieved of their duties on the naughty step while Ramires kept his place and Cesc Fàbregas was pushed into the space just behind Diego Costa.

The Baba Rahman experiment came to a swift close for now as Cesar Azpilicueta was reinstated to left-back and Happy Kurt Zouma stood in for the still injured Branislav Ivanovic. But you know all that and if you don’t - what are you doing here reading this?!

Porto vs Chelsea: The One Where Casillas Almost Smiles

Not the face of a man who resents the favourite ... (It is)

I have a confession - I did actually think Chelsea would beat Porto on Tuesday night. I have no good reason for it based on some all of the recent performances. And if truth be told, I wasn’t happy with the starting lineup. But still — there was still a nagging part of me that thought Chelsea would come away with the points. It defies logic really. My naivety really kicked into full swing at about the hour mark - otherwise known as the moment Eden Hazard joined the fray.

Chelsea vs PSG: The One Where Forwards Were Merely Acccessories

Silly hair is not enough to intimidate Diego Costa

This is going to be a full on out and out whinge. I may end up regretting some of the things that will be said later. I accept that. But if you don't fancy a proper moan about a depressing Champions League exit - then there are a multitude of over-analysing happy-clappy tactics nonsense pieces floating about. They -will- contain references as to who should actually have played and where because obviously they all know better than the man with a cupboard full of trophies and fabulous overcoats.

Chelsea vs Maribor: The one where Drogba scored a CL penalty (again)

Before all those goals - the view from the press box

With no sign of Diego Costa or his hamstring anywhere near the pitch last night, Loïc Remy got the call to start up front. However, within minutes of the game kicking off it was evident that Costa was not the only one carrying an injury. Remy’s understudy on the night, Didier Drogba, began warming up after just 10 minutes. Nevertheless the Frenchman wasn’t going to let any underlying pain stop him from finding the back of the net. Remy scored from a through ball from John Terry that would have made Cesc Fàbregas proud. But that would be Remy’s sole contribution on the night as he winced his way down the tunnel.

As Chelsea continued with a wave of attacks upon the Slovenian champions, Ales Mertelj thought he should just scoop the ball out of his own 18 yard box and in doing so gave the home side a penalty. Although Eden Hazard has an outstanding record from the spot, Drogba stepped up to take this one, scoring 886 days after his last goal for Chelsea.

Chelsea vs Schalke: The One Where Schalke Scored

Good to be home 

With Schalke’s shockingly mediocre start to their season, it was inevitable they were going to see some sort of result at Stamford Bridge on Wednesday. But everyone in the group seeing one mighty goal to kick off their CL campaign, it’s not really the worst start for Chelsea. The loss to Basel last season didn’t really seem to have much impact. Nevertheless there were some lessons to be had from Wednesday night’s draw …

Thirty-six year old striker not quite up to speed shocker ! 

We all knew that things weren’t going to be exactly the same the second time around with Didier Drogba. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t even matter. He’s there to motivate those around him and provide a little relief to Costa’s hamstring and Remy’s heart. And Wednesday he did just that. He picked out some fantastic passes to Hazard when he knew he didn’t have the pace to get through the defence. He also had a couple of incredible shots - unlucky not to score. A few more games and we’ll see even more glimpses of the Drogba we all knew and loved* before he embarked on his world tour.

Chelsea vs PSG: We've Done It Before

CL match winner Demba Ba. Let that sink in.

With some stumbles in recent weeks, notably to Villa and Palace, it was difficult to tell which Chelsea side would turn up at Stamford Bridge last night. Yes there was the emphatic win over Stoke, but Peter Crouch isn't exactly Edinson Cavani.

Two years ago Chelsea found themselves on the wrong end of a 3-1 away and a victory over Stoke before not only going on to beat Napoli but to only go on and win the whole bloody thing. Would luck favour them again or was it all used up against Barcelona and Munich?

England: In Need of John Terry's Fighting Spirit

Uncle Roy loves a bit of Terry

International friendlies amidst a busy March full off Premier and Champions League football is never going to make for thrilling viewing. It's a puffed up affair for indecisive managers to make up their mind on a few question marks in their lineups and sponsors to make a few more quid for those willing to pay to watch this level of football.

But as England plod through their night at Wembley with Bendtner FC, it's apparent what they're missing. I know you know where this is going. But there's a reason you know. There's a reason that people are STILL talking about it. Writing silly little blogs insightful pieces on it. England are missing a leader at the back, and arguably the Premier League's best defender -- John Terry. Someone needs to organise that back four and get the ball forward. There's not many better in the game at the moment.

Galatasaray vs Chelsea: Welcome to H-E-1-1

One. There's one striker.

With all the buildup focusing on Mourinho's comments about Eto'o's age Chelsea facing Champions League hero Didier Drogba, in well, the Champions League -- everyone forgot that formerly special, formerly happy little horse might have a trick up his sleeve. Despite his super secret conversation in a packed press room regarding his lack of strikers, Mourinho only went and found himself one.

Samuel Eto'o was widely expected to start with his preferred non-injured status, however, it was Fernando Torres who got his name on the finely printed teamsheet and lineup against the man he replaced. The same Fernando Torres who began 2014 with a couple of cheeky away goals and an injury which had him sidelined more or less until his re-emergence in 'hell' -- like a freckled phoenix. It took just 9 minutes to assure Mourinho that he does in fact have a striker on his hands after all. It was Torres' 6th goal in his last 5 CL starts -- and has taken his goal tally in the CL beyond what he ever managed for Liverpool. This, of course, will give them more reasons to burn any remaining shirts they have lying around.

Basel Faulty: Does Chelsea's Loss to Basel Mata?

Schar enjoying Van Ginkel more than the goal #awkward

As I attempted to press on triumphantly throughout the day, my performance suffered and I became increasingly less effective at the office. Eventually I succumbed to the forsaken -- man flu! After watching Chelsea’s performance tonight, it’s evident I wasn’t the only one struck down by this horrible disease!

Not to diminish the performance of Basel in any way as they looked the more threatening of the two in the first half. It was lucky that Chelsea took the lead at the half. Salah constantly tested Chelsea’s defence. Although at times this evening, even bed ridden, I may have been able to challenge Chelsea’s defence. It takes something pretty special for a goal to be the fault of three players.