Chelsea vs Everton: The One Where One Paper Thought Ivanovic Became a Vampire

Ivanovic is a man who just needs a cuddle

I don't want to ruin anything Daily Mail, but it looks like it's been left to me to tell you -- vampires aren't a real thing. I know, it's hard to grasp. With the questionable popularity of things like Twilight -- or for those of a certain generation Interview with a Vampire. But they aren't real. And when a player bites another player, those tendencies and cravings for human flesh are not transferred. It is a Luis Suárez specific condition I'm afraid.

This may have come as a shock, so I'll understand if you need to take a minute here DM...

Rumour Mill: The One Where Chelsea Wants to Sign Cuadrado

If there’s one thing that Chelsea don’t need, it’s another attacking midfielder. Ok, yes, the running mass of hair that is Willian could be better (see finishing). But with little value every being found in January and some serious questions being asked at the back, should Chelsea really focus on an attacking midfielder who may or may not improve the side?

So what should anyone make of these links / opening bids for Juan Cuadrado? There’s obviously a camp of supporters who think that if Jose Mourinho wants him he must be brilliant. Although it’s a nice sentiment those people are probably the ones who still defend the potential of Mohamed Salah and blatantly forget the likes of Kezman, Jarosik and SWP.