Chelsea vs Everton: The one that Rooney sweated through his Spanx

'You call this hot?! Pffftt'

Hot fun in the summertime. Or if you were in the East stand or Gate 15 more like melt your face off fun in the summertime. And come away blind like you’re Donald Trump staring straight into an eclipse kind of fun. Despite the sweat stains cropping up where sweat stains should never be - it was a fun day out at Stamford Bridge, especially after Chelsea’s last outing there.

Less so if you’re a team that’s already played SEVEN competitive matches this season — including three in the last week. A maddening schedule at the best of times. This kind of fixture congestion is usually saved for Christmas. I’m not convinced that Ronaldo Koeman feels like Christmas came early for his side.

Manchester United vs Chelsea: The One With a Silly Guus

Kurt smash

When Chelsea, in all their infinite wisdom, let Jose Mourinho go, did they also decide to consciously uncouple with their opposition scout — or all common sense? I appreciate that some of the Bank Holiday squad was dictated by suspensions and illness, but that’s no excuse to start Nemanja Matic and John Obi Mikel together. Ever.

This is not in anyway a criticism of either player - they do a fine job. But -- the same job. And maybe this could have been a keen idea deployed against a formidable attacking side like Leicester or Manchester City, but it was complete overkill when facing a team who’d managed to score 2 whole goals in their last 4 games. 2 goals. In 360 minutes. In fact, with the number of times they’ve failed to score in a match this season, Hiddink could have showed some real cojones and done away with a holding midfielder altogether.

Manchester United vs Chelsea: No Suprise as No Strikers Mean No Goals

Moyes Tip 127: How to Prevent a Poke in the Eye

It's a good thing no one hyped this match up to be a fantastic battle or there could be a few disappointed souls on Tuesday morning. It's not like Sky ran endless promos or anything ...

Manchester United versus Chelsea. After no less than five meetings  between  the two last season, it became evident that despite the new men in each dugout -- these players may just know each other a little too well. Tactics by and large cancelling each other out.

The Morning After The Night Before

Balotelli's strenuous training regime was really
England's downfall.

Despite there being that terrifying moment of ‘logic’ that the expectations of a nation were so low that they had some how torn the space time continuum and actually turned into expectation again - we all know that at the end of the day, this was never going to be ‘the’ year for England. Comparing that rag-tag bunch of misfits to that of another team that happened to win the Champions League this year is too easy - and far too off the mark to be a viable comparison. There have been a number of questions about Chelsea’s season this past year - the answer was never to be found in Jordan Henderson.

Surely the ‘expectations were so low that England can succeed logic’ was the most ridiculous thing said about the England team? Right? RIGHT? No. Enter Mark Lawrenson. How this man gets paid to speak about anything, let alone football is beyond me. But telling a nation, unironically, that their best defender was a man who scored for Sweden after keeping everyone onside was really my Lawro-light of the tournament so far.

Yet, despite myself, I went into last night confident that England could and would in fact go out against Germany. How confident was I? Well, I was brimming with such confidence that I chose to be the other white meat in an Italian sandwich. It makes me slightly wistful for the first 15 minutes of last night’s match, when I smugly thought this may have been one of my best ideas to date. But as the clock ticked on I was reminded that I was still watching the same England that I always have done. Even one without promise, still came with promise.