Fernando Finding his Feet...and Mark Gower's

Reminiscing about the 'good' times. It doesn't count
unless you do it in lederhosen.

I did briefly consider not writing about this weekend, I mean, if I don't type it, it didn't happen, right? But sod it. What else is a gym membership besides abusing their wifi to use the iPlayer and write nonsense? Yes, yes, it could in fact be used for working out and such, but there's a posh coffee bar here and I'm under caffeinated...

So despite managing two goals in two games after meticulously highlighting his hair, Fernando Torres will not in fact be scoring over the next 3 matches. He's been enjoying his time in London by watching too much Danny Dyer and pulled a proper naughty in Saturday's victory over Swansea. Is it wrong to be proud of his first red card? Maybe a little. But anyone who saw it, and with Sky having it on a constant loop for 24 hours, how could you not? But for those who saw it will know it wasn't a cynical challenge a la Scholes, but one that he may have just got a little, we'll call it, overenthusiastic. It was the first time he'd managed goals in two successive games for Chelsea, doubling his total for all of last season - surely no one can blame the lad for being excitable.

Drogba also managed to come back in fine form and within minutes of appearing on the pitch - scored. He couldn't have looked more surprised if Mikel had scored it. Of course the best way to celebrate a surprise goal like that is to don some lederhosen and head to Oktoberfest. Nice to see DD taking his recovery and preparation for Valencia this week so seriously.

In other news, Jamie Carragher has expressed his concern this week at having his record usurped by Richard Dunne. Dunne having been responsible for now a record NINE own goals, Carragher will have to step up his game in the Merseyside Derby this weekend if he wants to keep pace. We all have faith in your Carra.

Although own goals are, let's face it, always funny unless for your own club, the best part of QPR's match with Villa was not the game itself, but the fact that Warnock felt the need to come out for a second go in his post match discussion. There was a couple (only one) contentious calls for handball, and Warnock decided to review the tapes and have a second go. And if that weren't enough, he refereed to Traore as a disgrace a la Didier Drogba circa Champions League semi finals 2009. It was a fine Warnock moment. The threat of a fine for Traore was good, but to be truly great, he too should have ranted in a pair of slippers. Warnock has a lot to learn.

jb xx

Crouching Boas, Scoring Striker

Fernando shows the world he is master of
his own domain, er, bib.

Well hello there,

A little longer than normal between posts and my apologies for such a delay. And before you hear any rumours, I wasn't on some gin soaked bender...despite what people may tell you. It was rum....it wasn't. I considered telling you I took the fortnight off due to post traumatic stress syndrome because I'm just that in sync with Didier....or maybe I was just *that* embarrassed for my Gooner mates. But let's be honest, no one would believe the latter...I was in fact embarking on a bit of a move and it took up the time I usually spend sharing my expertise technical insight random, silly opinions with you. Despite no longer being able to write these from the comfort of my bed, I'll be a trooper and make the trip to the pub* Starbucks to inflict this upon you.

The geniuses at work who plan the fixtures carefully to maintain interest and refrain conflict did a stellar job this weekend and in no way does it reflect the possibility of randomly drawing fixtures out of a hat. Not only do we have another Monday night fixture, but Super Sunday saw Fulham host Blackburn, while West Brom headed to Norwich. I'm not being funny, but this isn't exactly the hangover repair fodder that I'm really looking for FA fixture officials. Just a thought for next season. They also thought it'd be a super idea to have Chelsea, Sp*rs, Arsenal, City and Liverpool all with 3pm Saturday kick offs. For those of us football whores who like to watch as many matches at possible when not able to actually attend, this was not only slightly schizophrenic, it made for an interesting mix of people braving my new local in Fulham.

As a sidenote on this new local, I'd like to thank the Wolves supporter (yes, you did actually read that correctly), who attempted to block the Jabba the Hut stunt double from repeated attempts to propose marriage and possibly suck out my soul - or lunch. It was a valiant effort against a man who makes Andy Reid look anorexic.

Obviously the big talking point amongst proper football journalists with real insight was the fact that Fernando Torres spent a little time on the bench to start the match. And they are correct, he was not in the starting line up. I'm pretty sure that anyone with eyeballs could have actually told you that. But, I may be crazy in saying this - wait for it - but maybe.....just maybe.... He did not start on the bench because of his form. There is that outside chance that with Chelsea having six strikers available to them and playing twice a week from here on out, that maybe, just maybe that crazy crouching manager may be resting some strikers to keep them fresh for the extra games they are about to embark in. And as a man of his word, he was required to start one Mr. Sturridge up front as his ban has been served.

Finally given his chance to shine with Chelsea, Danny certainly lived up to the hype I've been jamming down your throats since he left Manchester City. A slow start to the match, Chelsea were never really out of control and almost looked bored at the opposition, however a stunning pass to JT leading to the opening goal. His cheeky back-heeled goal made his performance today. Similar to an attempt that Balotelli made in pre-season which saw him unceremoniously substituted before the half, Danny's lead to his audition for Dancing with the Stars and a deserved ovation when he finally came off.

As for Arsenal, although you managed a win, I still highly recommend your use of Gunnersaurus as your centre back. You don't get to play the mighty Swansea every week. What he lacks in agility, he certainly makes up for in height and, er, girth. Surely he's as useful as Koscielny.

And for those of you too drunk sleepy to have stayed up for Match of the Day, you missed Jamie's Carragher's discussion of yet another penalty he gave away. In a moment of sheer brilliance he suggested that he -may- have got a little too close to Walters. Yes Jamie, wrapping your arm completely around the front of a man's body and then slipping it around his thigh is a little too close. At least that's what I've been told.**

Hope you all enjoyed your matches from wherever you were. Unless you're a United supporter of course. ;)

I would discuss upcoming Champions League fixtures here, but I'm still playing hard to get with the CL. It needs to work really hard during these group stages for me to really talk to CL again. And by really hard I mean a win tomorrow will probably see a waffling blog posted here on Wednesday.

Good to be back

jb xx

*ok, it is the pub, but I'd like to give off some air of respectability here - you just know me too well.

**am not a pervy rapist. Well, not a rapist. There's no restraining orders against me yet, so I'm sticking with this one.