Chelsea v Arsenal: The One Where Gabriel Got Costa'd

Diego Costa's Heatmap

Apologies for the tardy posting of this, but I’d been waiting for Santi Cazorla to get off the pitch before starting this. Rumour has it, he’s still there …

Always nice when an Arsenal v Chelsea match goes so smoothly, without incident. And we can all just discuss the great game of football that was before us. With pre-match press conference questions like ‘are you going to shake each other’s hand’ and ‘is that your battle haircut, Jose I love you’ it’s safe to assume this was always going to be the tone whether Mr Costa helped proceedings along or not.

Crimes and Misdemeanours: The FA's (In)Activity

Twitter isn't the only thing bringing the ENTIRE GAME
into disrepute.

After #BUNCHOFTWATS-gate broke last week it was inevitable that everyone’s favourite diminutive panto-villain would end up being charged by both club and country. Although there are many at Chelsea who no doubt agree with Ashley Cole’s sentiment, the overriding consensus was that it was not the preferred execution of such a statement and broke the club’s social networking policy.

Chelsea took away Cole’s car keys before telling him he’d be without two week’s salary for interrupting Roberto Di Matteo’s presser. When you consider the incident in isolation the punishment seems reasonable enough…but what about when you consider it alongside other punishments? For Chelsea – an irresponsible tweet equals £240K – only £10K less than if Cole had did something as drastic as shooting a work experience student. I mean interns are easily replaced, but still…

The FA followed Chelsea’s lead, as the #BUNCHOFTWATS charged Ashley Cole with ‘bringing the entire game into disrepute’. THE ENTIRE GAME! Who knew you could master that in 140 characters with some questionable grammar? Despite the accuracy of Cole’s statement-and it arguably being one of the nicer things uttered about the ever-competent FA-it’s not something you can really say about your employer and not have them respond. And their timing could not be better.

Handshakes, Gladrags and .. Batman - This Weekend in Football

The fallout from handshake gate continues ... or does it?

I can't say I was particularly looking forward to Chelsea's trip to Arsenal. Not for any concern of the result - but more for the possibility of a very flat match for my £62.

Last year the same fixture saw one of the dullest games I can recall and with both clubs coming out of Capital One cup matches and looking ahead to Champions League - this all had the stink of a gutless nil-nil game. I couldn't have had it more wrong. It's predictions like head that make my fantasy football team a dire failure year to year.

John Terry: Trials and Tribulations

England's Loss. Chelsea's Gain.

I'm confused. If I'm being honest, not a feeling I'm unaccustomed to - but this whole John Terry affair (ahem) has really been the pinnacle of baffling behaviour. Not from him, not even from either Ferdinand no matter how childish their behaviour has been. I mean not only do I fully expect this of Rio - but would have been shocked if he had not been a petulant toddler throughout the fiasco.

But in a country that's meant to be about innocent until proven guilty - how is it guilty until proven not guilty ... And yet somehow STILL guilty? The mind boggles. I'm not here to say whether he did it or not, just that he was actually tried, in court, and they found him not guilty. They heard all the information and gave a verdict based on that. And if the FA find Terry innocent just as the courts had, the other Ferdinand could pursue a civil case. Which means Terry could literally be tried THREE times for the same incident.

One trial. One verdict.

Naughty Captains: Ryan Giggs v. John Terry

Oh Captain My Captain. The immortal words
of Natasha Giggs.

With my last piece on international football being so popular <still hearing the crickets now>, I thought I’d take another brief stab at some insight into it. And if writing about the national teams isn’t bad enough - it’s going to be about captaincy. I’m not saying this is like beating a dead horse, but I’m either really repetitive or have seriously wrong someone in the Corleone family.

With Psycho pulling one out and choosing Ryan Giggs to lead TeamGB, his timing couldn’t be better. Why? We are now less than twenty four hours from a deposed England captain’s much anticipated trial for saying something offensive on a football pitch.

The irony of choice is all a bit much. The FA deem it appropriate to strip John Terry of captaincy for fraternizing with a former teammate’s former flame. And yet, in a gleefully sardonic moment only men in charge of our national game could muster, Ryan Giggs has been deemed worthy of captaincy. You remember Ryan Giggs from superinjunction fame? The one who stuck is P in his brother’s missus’ V for actual years. Excellent representation to the world for London 2012. 

I’m of the belief that a player and even a captain of any team should be picked for FOOTBALLING REASONS. (With the absolute overuse of that term over the last six weeks it was worthy of shouting it - in text speak). However, if you’re going to come out strong and take a stand, you need to be consistent if you have a hope in hell of being taken seriously. And we all know just how seriously all governing bodies of football are taken...

* * * * *

The FA and the H-word

Secrets from SoHo Square

I trust, football aside that you all enjoyed a rather pious holiday with your family, and by pious, I mean, drank as much as you could humanly consume in light of the extended bank holiday weekend.

The highs and lows of Easter weekend:

Highs:

• Chelsea legitimately beating Wigan with no offside goals at all*
• Chocolate.
• Mario Balotelli.
• Ivanovic doing a Joey Barton impression circa 2010-11.
• Lampard becoming the first midfielder to reach 150 goals.
• Liverpool’s home form. *this of course may be moved to a weekend low if you are in fact a Liverpool supporter reading this*
• Sp*rs losing to Norwich. Fun for the whole family. *not to be moved to a weekend low under any circumstances.*
• John Terry playing with broken ribs.

Lows:

• Ashley Young’s audition for <insert ‘hilarious’ diving partner’s name here>
• Standard OT red card+sending off for a dive from an offside position.
• FA’s punishment scheme: racism < a couple of red cards.
• Hangover.
• Ivanovic facing a three-match ban.
• The emails I’m about to receive about Lampard’s deflected goals (don’t forget to mention that he’s fat too).
• FA’s rejection of Derry’s red card appeal. Will now face an extra match ban for questioning a decision made at Old Trafford. 
• No one thinking they’d do Terry a solid and consider stopping Dempsey. Good one.

And as we’re all about a good list today....

There were a number of decisions required by the FA this weekend. As tricky as this normally is for them, the amount of actual information provided to them proved too much. They have resorted to the Magic Eight Ball (other balls of prediction are available) for all decision making from this point forward. In that, some decision are correct, some are wrong and some they need to ‘concentrate and ask again.’ You decide what the Magic Eight Ball got right:

• Ivanovic charged with violent conduct for a naughty punch on Maloney.
• Shaun Derry’s ban upheld for ‘knocking over Young with his musk’ via @waatpies
• Balotelli not facing an extra six matches for showing Song his new boots.
• Young. Plays for United. Absolutely no decision.

On to next weekend and now the notorious scheduling of the FA Cup semi-final. After seeing what Chelsea and Tottenham have been producing on the pitch these past few weeks its pretty safe to assume that football will more than likely -not- be the winner. After Monday’s matches against Fulham and Norwich respectively, I’m pretty sure that they are doing what they can to ensure Newcastle finishes fourth. Newcastle! Fourth! With a mere five matches to go, it’s impossible to maintain the patronizing tone of them giving it a good go and waiting for it all to go Campo-shaped. They are looking the most likely to make it happen, and supporters in London will have to hope that someone there gives it a good go.

Further to *that* date and the scheduling of the FA Cup semi-finals, I’m pretty sure that performances against City and Sp*rs should have been -some- indication that Chelsea need all the help they could get ahead of a little matter of the Champions League. But that would make sense, something the FA is very resistant to. It does of course make perfect sense to send 60 000 Chelsea and Sp*rs supporters to Wembley giving them a hefty 7 or so hours of drinking before kick-off. In no way could this turn out badly. 

***

Hypocrisy (def): wishing someone to die and / or laughing at their mother being dead when you incorrectly perceive someone to have disrespected the deaths of others.

The standard overreaction of Liverpool an unnamed club’s supporters to an Arsenal supporter’s comments was shocking even by their standards. ‘Comedian’ Alan Davies apparently has risked his own life by suggesting that their should be a discussion available for Liverpool to play on the 15^th. As an Arsenal supporter, he definitely is not holding any pro-Chelsea bias, but raised some valid points, which should have generated a reasonable discussion. Sure, he could have worded things better, but I that goes with just about anything he says. Whether you agree or disagree that the dates could be reconsidered, the number of death threats he has received since that point has been appalling. I mean, if he deserves threats, it’s for calling himself a comedian.

Good luck to everyone heading to Wembley this weekend.

In my completely biased unbiased opinion, I hope Chelsea the best team wins.

jb xx

*the truth of that may have been stretched mildly for feel good purposes.