The Sun is Shining - Safe for One John Terry to take a Penalty

Gunnersaurus -knows- he's better than Koscielny... begs
to play. He doesn't want to be the Michael Owen
of mascots

Well, in all of Sky’s infinite wisdom they opted Liverpool’s trip to Brighton in the third round of this year’s Cup that doesn’t matter unless you’re actually in the final or Arsenal the ever prestigious Carling Cup. Although at this late stage i.e. well after the matches are done and over analyzed to within an inch of their little lives - you know that unless you were in a stadium somewhere, you probably didn’t get to see your club.

So, I’ll make it my responsibility to help out the Chelsea and Fulham supporters alike who didn’t get to the Bridge - or some dodgy internet feed to see the match. Spoiler alert: it went to penalties.

This of course means that the match must have been a ridiculously close affair. At least that’s what I’ve been told by a number of people who:

1. support other clubs
2. were not at the Bridge
3. did not even see the match
4. probably did not look at a match report
5. drink heavily*

Really they’re like a gossipy bunch of nans. No one has seen it, but everyone has an opinion on the matter that they will share with anyone stuck within earshot and they smell of gin.

Now, before I enlighten you annoy you with my waffling on about Chelsea's play, I will say that Jol has made a world of difference to Fulham. I mean, their supporters are all *hard* now with rumours of them invading the Bridge with balloons and confetti at hand (yes - I do in fact believe everything I read on twitter). There was in fact 3 balloons floating around the Shed End in the first half. So, it was nice that each of their supporters did in fact bring one. Towards the end, there was in fact more stewards protecting the Shed End banner that ‘mysteriously’ was up in their end than in the entire rest of their section. Good to know the stewards do have their priorities straight.

On with the match. Open end to end play, although, how Chelsea failed to score in the first 45 minutes let alone the remaining 120 is beyond me. Fantastic outings from McEachran (not surprising at all) and Romeu who arguably was man of the match for me. Alex pulled a bit of a naughty early in the second half so will now only be appearing in the CL for the next little while.

Once the game reached extra time it was clear that Fulham was playing for penalties. Fair play to them. When anyone plays a team that’s won ONCE in twelve years and have one of the post infamous penalty takes in a final ever, it’s an ingenious move. Not only that, but with Cech sustaining injury they’d get to take their penalties against Ross Turnbull. I’d basically have fancied my own chances out there.

To say there was a bit of tension in the air is akin to saying that Andy Reid kind of likes pie and mash and battered sausages and... oh, nevermind. You get the picture - collective held breath, squeaky bum, and all that bollocks. I’d like to tell you I was positive, but with Cech out and our penalty man stepping up and immediately having his saved - well, in that moment I was just happy to be their but fully resigned to the inevitable outcome. But I’m big enough to admit when I’m wrong. I mean, it happens so little** I don’t mind a moment of eating humble pie.

$^&%&^ gah....sorry readers, it appears that Andy Reid thought I had actual pie and interrupted me here.....

....back to me being wrong...although, my man of the match was easily Romeu, despite some more brilliant play from David Luiz both on the pitch and to the crowd - biggest surprise of the night was not John Terry’s brilliant penalty take (thank YOU weather) - but one Ross Turnbull.

Dear Ross,

We’ve definitely had our ups and downs. It all started so well for the two of us. I mean, when you were Boro’s number one, you were in fact my number one. Yes, before Joe Hart became Grenade Free FC’s number one in Fantasy Football, you in fact lead my team to top of the table. And for that, I was grateful - even pleased you turned fantasy football into reality by heading down to London town to fill the gaping hole left by Carlo Cudicini (clearly in football terms as Cech’s backup alone).

Things definitely took a turn for the worse. I suppose we made you a bit nervous. You lost control of the box and were found off your line more times than John has been caught by Toni. I realise I should have had more faith in you. I reverted to childish name calling (but let’s be honest - Turnbollocks is quite funny).

Yes. I may or may not have threatened to walk out at kick off if you were starting when I saw you warming up. But tensions were high enough. Anything crossed near you makes me feel a little funny - and I don’t mean that in a good way. I even had to take a little seat when you started to warm up for injured big Pete. 

Even after you came up with some brilliant reflex saves that got us through to the penalties, I still had no faith in you. You proved me wrong. Not only were your saves great, but to come up with a save in the shoot out was absolutely brilliant.

So, let’s make up. I’ll not threaten to walk out and I’ll stop covering my eyes when the ball gets into our end if you stay on your line. Deal?

JB

Now for the REAL letter:

Dear Crossbar,

Thanks for being awesome on Wednesday night. Both of your penalty saves were some of the best I’ve seen and I thank you for getting Chelsea through to the next round.

Love always (unless you leave us like that tart Own Goal did)

jb xx

Also, a belated congratulations to Arsenal on becoming Blackburn’s highest scorer this season and to Owen Hargreaves for not tearing his hamstring when he was tying his laces up for Manchester United City. 

And with a brace against the mighty Leeds, apparently, Michael Owen has put himself in the frame according to those gossipy nans football ‘experts’ for an England recall. So his club manager, you know that guy, the one that sees him every day in training, hasn’t felt he’s up to snuff to start against the likes of West Brom - what does he know? This should be the man leading our country on to Euro Glory.....

Roll on the next round and the weekend!

jb xx

* ok, maybe that last one was me - but the other points do all still stand.

** sshhh....let me just have it this time

Barclays Asian Trophy Glory!

Suffering the fate of those Robert Green who have let Torres
score...Shay Given has been given a timeout to think about
what he has done.

OK, maybe the headline was overstating my enthusiasm a smidge, but let's be honest, it is always fun to win. Although not important to the season itself, confidence is, and that's just what we were missing for large portions of last season - players and supporters alike. You know who you are.

Of course, the biggest news of the game was Frank Lampard being named the player of the tournament!!! OK, maybe that was the biggest news for me. But for someone who was written off by far too many, it was a brilliant source of personal smugness fantastic reminder that he still has a lot to offer on and off the pitch.

*time out for me to drink gin make my smug face fully consider the implications of pre-season*

Of course what grabbed headlines was the "great" goal by Fernando Torres. In no way am I dismissing it with my cheeky little quotes. But I would say it was a goal, and it was great to see Fernando smile score. However a little disconcerting his pavlovian like ability to score against claret and blue. With his only other goal against West Ham, its a little worrying that without them or Burnley in the big boy leagues, that only Villa will face his wrath next season. Sure, those of you in a certain mood will be quick to point out to me that he did also manage a goal against Wycombe, but ponder this - if a striker scores and no one sees it, does it make a sound in the forest?

Exactly.

Either way, Fernando will have a long way to go if he wants to come close to our real pre-season hero Own Goal. Since his departure from Manchester United, and arrival for our Asian Tour, Own Goal has only failed to score in our final match. Is it a matter of not being able to score against English teams, or is Own Goal unable to play with Fernando Torres. Only the coming weeks will tell. Still for the price of Joey Barton, Own Goal has been a delightful addition.

And for those of you who haven't seen it, the other highlights would of course being little Josh getting his first big boy goal and generally being awesome in the midfield. And of course, as we took this ever so seriously, the team abandoning JT as he went to lift the trophy for photos. Excellent prank / team work there lads.

For those of you who enjoyed the adventures of David Cameroon - a few of the other Chelsea players have been doing double duty. After their corner flag teaser, FloMo and Didi managed to recruit Petr Cech and Paulo Ferreira for their band. It does appear that Cech, not surprisingly, is actually the musician while the rest of the lads were his backup rhythm section. Didier of course being the machine that he is by doing double duty of rhythm AND operated camera as David Cameroon could not be there. Interested? In their summers off, they can be contacted for weddings and other events.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu5TTtu17D0

In other comedic pre-season matches Manchester United found out they could beat Barcelona if they were missing most of their starting lineup and it didn't matter. Of course, by the way it was celebrated, I'm pretty sure this is the big goal that Michael Owen has been tediously promising. Well done Mikey, you managed to get off the bench and earn that pre-season medal.

But the biggest pre-season news, and trophy as it always is amongst my Gooner mates is the oft mentioned Emirates Cup. Ah yes. The gifted trophy from their sponsors. It was good of the Emirates to build them a stadium and then have a tournament all their own to win. But it appears that this season, someone failed to follow the script. Surely they couldn't lose their own trophy in their own stadium (again). How it was even lost is beyond me. The first half, Arsenal spent so much time in New York's half that Szczesny got out a cuddly toy and had a nap. However, in the second half Arsene Wenger probably should have taken my suggestion to substitute one of his defenders for Gunnersaurus. He remained on the pitch so long before kick off I actually thought he'd made the team sheet.

However, the request to have a member of the opposing team play for a pre-determined amount of time (no matter how short) is almost as laughable as requesting someone who wasn't going to play in a match to lift a trophy that has not yet been won. But I digress. Yes, the opposing player in this instance was Thierry Henry, but Gooners, you need to let it go. He's moved on. He's won the Emirates Cup. It wasn't for you. What you lot need is closure - and to pick easier opposition so you don't lose your own Cup again next season.

And this coming weekend it's actually back to proper football. Not quite the league, but just about. Chelsea will be on a steady diet of Irn Bru all week to prepare themselves for the trip to Ibrox on Saturday and Sunday sees the first of at least Manchester derbies with the Community Shield. Good luck to all the City supporters travelling to London this weekend. Am personally hoping for a little nudge and wink from Balotelli again.*

KTBFFH

jb xx

http://twitter.com/cfc_jb

*and by personally, I didn't mean he nudge nor wink at me.... just Rio.

**by just Rio, I mean that Mario should do those things again to Rio. Rio should do nothing to me or near me - ever. Phew...hope that's cleared up.