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Smoking a pipe (not a euphemism) and reading
us all tales from Masterpiece theatre
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Breaking News: Sir Howard of Webb has a shocker and it favours Manchester United. In other news, the sky is blue, the grass is green, and I may or may not be recovering from some sort of hangover.*
Doing the dignified thing and waiting until emotions were not running high, and I could again form a comprehensive sentence has caused somewhat of a delay in getting this published, but no matter. The kinetic forces of Jose Bosingwa and Howard Webb being on the pitch at the very same time ensured that Chelsea were never getting out of this fixture with a clean sheet. I’m sure a snowflake just got in Webb’s eye and he missed Danny Welbeck having a look down at Ivanovic’s foot before having a leap over it in a worse acting performance than even the last Underworld film brought into the world.
Before getting all riled up again, let’s all just sit back and remember *that* goal from our teeny tiny Spaniard. Yes, I even mean you United fans who continue to put yourself through reading this.... You’re all going to need this happy memory as it all gets a bit tetchy from here.
I’m not one to ever have a go at the press here or anywhere else, but the sensationalising / PC bollocks needs to stop. The booing at the end of the match was not booing the club, the players, the manager or anyone else except the spectacular performance of that bald headed ‘completely unbiased’ twat referee Tom Henning Overbo Howard Webb. But the commentary on the rest of the booing is the one far more concerning. Chelsea supporters booed Rio Ferdinand. So? How is this even a story? First, if this was about the race accusations, surely, it would have made far more sense to boo Anton last week at Loftus Road rather than save it for his brother. That aside, Rio’s a gobby c*&t who plays for a rival club (AND formerly of Leeds and West Ham fame!) who’s been disruptive and had negative things to say about the club’s captain? Black or white, that player is going to get booed. If there are going to be stories like this, why not take it a step further can complain of the xenophobia shown towards the sheep shaggers Welsh players like Bellamy or the booing Scholes got for also being a ginger twat gobby...OK, I’ll stop there. Ferdinand has been booed before and he’ll be booed again.
It’s not getting any prettier from here. There’s a elephant on your screen (and yes, *that* picture at the top DOES count). But it’s the reason for the booing, it’s the reason that JT was sat next to Ramires and hugging him on camera** John Terry seems to be having some sort of never ending Groundhog Day that we are all being subjected to. Last week a player was not going to shake his hand. This week he’s been stripped of the England Captaincy. It’s all SO very two years ago. I had a lot to say about it then and am tempted to just cut and paste my views from then. Although much of my vitriol was directed at Capello for being a puppet and caving to FA pressure for something he clearly did not want to do. So, because he’s finally found his own cojones I have to actually write something new.
I realise the FA has always rather someone else hold the captaincy whether it be someone who fails drugs tests, someone who shags granny prostitutes and their own English Rose, someone who assaults DJs on camera and has simply abysmal taste in music. I can see how NONE of these men would be a mar on England’s international reputation. Since they were so keen to see one of these men with the armband they should have leapt at the opportunity to strip JT of it four months ago. However, they have now waited until court dates have been set, ones that everyone knew would be delayed until the summer, and opted not only to strip him of captaincy but ensure no due process by laying down their own verdict. The FA in their continuing ineptitude have ensured that John Terry cannot have a fair trial as no juror in the country will have not heard and be prejudiced by their assessment of the situation. These are no longer “footballing reasons” (I’m looking at you Mr. Holt), these are issues which could impact the future life and career of a man. I’m sure a value held dear in this country is one of a man to be presumed innocent until proven guilty. Well done The FA you utter twunts.
Of course flicking the vee’s at them, outside of Stamford Bridge is of course Fabio Capello who not only believes in this principle, checked his own contract to see if he could over rule them. Failing that he’s taken to the press to let everyone know, armband or not, Terry is still his captain. Take that next one who has to actually wear the armband. Lucky for everyone Ferdinand graciously bowed out, in no way looking like a complete and presumptuous ass. As many of you other twitterites have, I too have ruled myself out as next England captain. I had as much chance of Ferdinand, and now knowing that Terry is Fabio’s one true captain, it just didn’t feel like the right time to take the armband. Instead I’ve opted to watch the game Michael Owen style - from my sofa.***
And if you’re still reading and want to think about something other than Chelsea, Manchester United, England, racism, well, you’re almost in luck. Luis Suarez returned to Liverpool’s lineup last night. For those of us who just could not be bothered with 3D, we got to hear him portrayed as some sort of returning hero as he nearly scored and it could have been a ‘fairy tale’ return. I’ve read a lot of fairytales in my day and at no point does any prince sit out of a quest as punishment for an accusation of racism. For those of you lucky enough to look like a twat in glasses while watching the game, the more accurate discussion of marred reputations was given. That of course is a sidebar to the actual contribution that was Suarez’ which was kicking Scotty ‘next captain of England’ Parker in the stomach in an attempt to prove he’s not racist, he’s just a dirty c%&t. But with that fixture as it was, the only thing that anyone will take away from it was the best player on the pitch all night was the cat who mugged off Sp*rs entire defence, showing Andy Carroll just how it’s done.
And in the imminent words of Chuck D and Flavor Flav ‘our freedom of speech is freedom or death’
Peace out
jb xx
* Howard Webb can safely be blamed for that one too.
** From the Sepp Blatter Handbook of ‘How to Not Look Racist’
*** Pub.
