Chelsea's Torrid Affair with Thursday Night Cup

We're in serious like - but not yet love

Dear Thursday Night Cup Europa League,

I can’t say that our continued affair right under the nose of your big brother would have lasted this long. We didn’t exactly get together in the best of circumstances. And if I’m being really honest, I was using you to make Champions League jealous after he so callously tossed us aside. Not that I’m annoyed that the honeymoon period was so short. (I am). But nevertheless, you’ve stayed with us even though, we have let ourselves go.

Barcelona: I Had This Perfect Dream...

The look of a man that knows - Terry
is with his bird. aka Bridgeface

Dear Champions League,

It’s been quite a year for the two of us since this:

http://cfc-jb.blogspot.co.uk/2011/04/que-sera-sera.html

Your words seemed hollow when I consider the history we’ve had together, but I have to say, you’ve really worked hard to win me over - despite a few bumps along the way. 

As always, you tried to woo me back in the heat of the summer by putting Chelsea into a group that seems fairly manageable. But by handing over groups to Manchester United and Barcelona that even an MLS team could beat was not really the way to go about winning me over. Realising your error in judgement, you really pulled one out. Unceremoniously passing on all of those minxes Manchester to your little brother - Europa League - was inspired.

Although, if we’re really thinking about doing this, I should mention that Europa League has been flirting with me pretty heavily. Not only did EL immediately also get rid of Manchester, and well, everyone else in England, but has also been flaunting the exotic locations that could be in my very near future. And not that I’m saying you should take a long hard look at yourself - but he doesn’t come as a package deal with ITV. Just a thought. 

In recent years, I may have let myself go a little, started to get a little complacent about my appearance and made some changes - just for you - despite my better judgement. I added some serious volume to my hair, some glorious highlights and worked some Dolce and Gabanna on the touchline like nobody’s business. But you threw it all back in my face in Italy. And it is this very behaviour that makes me distrust you. Lessoning the pain by embarrassing those tarts in North London was your only saving grace. But instead of looking at you - I looked within and changed again. For you. Why? Because I want a big f*ck off shiny trophy!! Sometimes I’m not sure...

English Team in Fifth gets a semi... I mean to the semis

Channelling Roberto Mancini if he *really* let himself go.
Jesus was just the right amount of angry last night.

Controversy. Negative comments stemming from ‘jealousy’. Less attractive than one would like to think. That’s right, Chelsea woke up this morning and realised they were Samantha Brick. The horror!  The shame! The extraneous exclamation points!

But what we have all learned from watching Carlos Tevez is, you don’t have to be attractive to play effective football. Chelsea were more stretched than my ex’s waistband over the holidays last night, but did what they had to do. 

Sure, ‘Barcelona won’t be quaking in their boots’*, but if Chelsea had managed to put five or six past ten-man Benfica, would they have been then? No. I’m not even going to allow you to entertain that idea. Barcelona have great players, a great manager, and as 2009 proved, a great referee. But with all the warm and fuzzies down at Cobham now, you never know what this team could pull out. As long as still has a match in them like last night at City against Sp*rs their FA cup tie against Leicester. That’s right, I will take my face Barca like Leicester and run with it.

However, over the next fortnight there’s an FA Cup tie and a few pesky league matches for Chelsea to contend with. The good news for Chelsea is, their next two are against Wigan and Fulham. The bad news is Chelsea’s league form. I’ll put it kindly and say it’s questionable, at best. Their performance at Villa Park was enough that a single goal inspired a mini pitch invasion. Luckily Jacob Mellis distracted Villa’s players the best way he knows how.... Good luck to him when he tries those grenades out on Joseph Barton.

And for those of you worried about John Terry’s trouble breathing... initial reports that it was possibly cracked ribs. But reports today have reliably informed me that he had merely read Samantha Brick’s article and laughed himself to a slight sprain. Sources close to the player reveal that even he “would not tap that.”

I was going to use this space to discuss all the other English teams involved in Europe....

....

Done.

And for those of you still muttering about a tiny Argentinian - abuse the wifi at your office to take a look at this goal:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iJMkFfi4RE

jb xx

*I cannot believe how many times I have read that in the last 24 hours. I don’t think this multiple vision is due to any form of gin.**

**It really isn’t. 

Bonus: Because you know you want to read camp song lyrics..

Barcelona! Such a beautiful horizon
Barcelona! Like a jewel in the sun
Por ti sere gaviota de tu bella mar