Kevin Friend: Public Enemy Number One at the Community Shield

The Missing Link: Sweaty in patches

Football is back! Between the Euros and the Olympics that finished up last night, it was never -actually- gone. But let’s be honest, it’s not quite the same is it? No, it’s really not. Although the standard displayed was often far superior to some of the skills on display at Villa Park in this year’s Community Shield. These were two teams clearly who had enjoyed their pre-season vacations training a tad too much - one a little more than the other.

And the players weren’t the only ones. To say that Kevin Friend had a bit of a shocker, is like saying that maybe John Terry wouldn’t be the best face of this year’s Kick It Out Campaign. Outside of the ridiculous challenge from Ivanovic that definitely warranted his card, the rest of the cards given and missed were inconsistent and at times, defied logic. I know I’m being pretty demanding in needing logic AND consistency from a referee, but there you go.

If you’re a Chelsea supporter, it had to feel good to see Fernando Torres start things off exactly where he left off last season - with a full head of highlights. There’s of course the matter of the goal as well. However everything else about the performance indicated a need for a few more training sessions before next weekend comes. The defence did a fantastic job in the first half keeping City at bay, but once reduced to 10 men, there wasn’t much they could do. City were far more organised from beginning to end.

Handbags & Gladrags: The Final Day of the Season

"LOOK AT ME" "NO, YOU LOOK AT ME"

Although the dailies have a tendency to embellish facts completely blow things out of proportion to sell papers build matches up to often disappointing results, this weekend did not let most down - unless you were a Chelsea / Blackburn / Everton / Liverpool... OK, there were in fact a lot of matches that at the end of the day, did nowt to the table. So opening with the highs and lows at Stamford Bridge this past weekend would amount to wondering what Lukaku’s actual age is purpose is parents actually fed him and is Cech’s son too young to fill in for Turnbull. The only regrets any Cheslea supporter could have after this weekend was that David Brent’s Steve Kean’s video did not surface twenty four hours earlier.

One of the greatest things to happen in a match has to be when a large number of supporters and players feel that they have scored a goal, run off to celebrate it, only to find out later it was denied. *cough* Andy Carroll *cough* ... The disappointed grumblings and sad little faces is amazing -- unless it’s my sad little face, in which case there is absolutely nothing funny about that. So, to my sheer sadistic delight, how great was it to have Manchester United supporters thinking they won the league six weeks ago and finding out two minutes later, that their ‘noisy neighbours’ had done the ‘impossible’ and won it. Scenes. This moment may top Nani’s tears when he failed the BGT audition as a Michael Jackson impersonator met Jamie Carragher’s boot.

English Team in Fifth gets a semi... I mean to the semis

Channelling Roberto Mancini if he *really* let himself go.
Jesus was just the right amount of angry last night.

Controversy. Negative comments stemming from ‘jealousy’. Less attractive than one would like to think. That’s right, Chelsea woke up this morning and realised they were Samantha Brick. The horror!  The shame! The extraneous exclamation points!

But what we have all learned from watching Carlos Tevez is, you don’t have to be attractive to play effective football. Chelsea were more stretched than my ex’s waistband over the holidays last night, but did what they had to do. 

Sure, ‘Barcelona won’t be quaking in their boots’*, but if Chelsea had managed to put five or six past ten-man Benfica, would they have been then? No. I’m not even going to allow you to entertain that idea. Barcelona have great players, a great manager, and as 2009 proved, a great referee. But with all the warm and fuzzies down at Cobham now, you never know what this team could pull out. As long as still has a match in them like last night at City against Sp*rs their FA cup tie against Leicester. That’s right, I will take my face Barca like Leicester and run with it.

However, over the next fortnight there’s an FA Cup tie and a few pesky league matches for Chelsea to contend with. The good news for Chelsea is, their next two are against Wigan and Fulham. The bad news is Chelsea’s league form. I’ll put it kindly and say it’s questionable, at best. Their performance at Villa Park was enough that a single goal inspired a mini pitch invasion. Luckily Jacob Mellis distracted Villa’s players the best way he knows how.... Good luck to him when he tries those grenades out on Joseph Barton.

And for those of you worried about John Terry’s trouble breathing... initial reports that it was possibly cracked ribs. But reports today have reliably informed me that he had merely read Samantha Brick’s article and laughed himself to a slight sprain. Sources close to the player reveal that even he “would not tap that.”

I was going to use this space to discuss all the other English teams involved in Europe....

....

Done.

And for those of you still muttering about a tiny Argentinian - abuse the wifi at your office to take a look at this goal:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iJMkFfi4RE

jb xx

*I cannot believe how many times I have read that in the last 24 hours. I don’t think this multiple vision is due to any form of gin.**

**It really isn’t. 

Bonus: Because you know you want to read camp song lyrics..

Barcelona! Such a beautiful horizon
Barcelona! Like a jewel in the sun
Por ti sere gaviota de tu bella mar