Dear Premier League, You Are Welcome. Hearts & Kisses CFC

Balotelli arrives at Stamford Bridge

Football and those associated with it will never be accused of making clever decisions. I mean, you only have to look at Wayne Rooney’s hairline for what I like to call ‘exhibit A’ -- but the powers that be at SkySports really need to have a deep dark look at themselves. But moving Chelsea v City to a Monday night so they can placate Liverpool supporters by reminding them of their glory days  help their birds Xmas shop   couldn’t flip a coin and decide who got a lunch / tea time kick off   thought people would only want to watch Sunderland v Bolton this weekend (shh...I know Sp*rs got on the telly too)  .... I’ve really run out of strikethrough options here, and probably be banned from its usage for the rest of this year.

Anyways, after all that nonsense, an actual football match was actually played in London. With Chelsea’s form being, let’s just mildly questionable as of late, and City failing to lose in the league this season, it seemed to be a foregone conclusion to most people that Chelsea would be lucky to get a point from the whole MONDAY night affair. 

....I’ve taken a deep breath now - and will let the Monday night situation go...

With Balotelli scoring faster than Justin Bieber’s ‘romp’, it wasn’t looking good for Chelsea. There was a moment that even I thought the only one getting a slap in the face tonight would be Titus Bramble’s missus. I’m not sure if it was the rain, the goal, or the concern that Balotelli may have brought actual fireworks with him, but there was a lot of running about without any real purpose for the first quarter of the match. It was almost as if Dirk Kuyt had managed to invade the bodies of Chelsea’s midfield for that first 20 minutes.  

Of course, what is being overlooked is the technical astuteness that AVB showed by bringing on Chelsea’s penalty scorer, on Mr Jenny Frank Lampard just before Chelsea were awarded a penalty. Dumb luck? Obviously not. With Clattenberg in charge of the whole affair, someone somewhere was getting a penalty awarded. Some may say that it was City’s pocket sized Spaniard that should have been awarded one early on. Some may say that it was a dive. But what’s clear from twitter accounts that everyone seems to know exactly what a clear penalty looks like .... 

However, the man making the really big calls last night was not Clattenberg or either of the managers. Late in the match, the fourth official felt that he knew what Chelsea and then City needed by making the substitutions up himself. It was difficult to tell if he had been drinking heavily or just thought he knew better than either of the so-called men in charge. I mean, he’d watched the game like everyone else - surely he knows the player that really should be coming off moreso than the two well dressed men beside him. He wears a tracksuit AND has a board with lights. What gives you more authority than that? 

Should we all have a little talk about the petulance shown by the world’s largest man last night? Apparently not only did Mama Toure not pass on the teachings of not taking pills that aren’t for you, but she also didn’t pass on the ‘pick on someone your own size’ message. I’ll give Yaya a pass on the first kick on AVB’s mini me. He could go with the excuse of not seeing him all the way down there - but clearly did. But then to try and slap him too. Did it make Yaya feel good to pick on someone even smaller than David Silva? There’s some school’s nearby Stamford Bridge, Yaya could have found a more suitable opponent there... Maybe hit up a park on the way home?? Not to worry though, the man in charge with the headset and hairplugs DID in fact see both incidents. So, there’s that then.

Of course I know that none of these things are what you really want to know. What you really want to know was how did City’s goal scorer prepare for the match. He did as the locals do and went for a curry.....

...he went for a curry in a way only he could. Not only did it lead to a cost of £150000 <-- that is the right amount of zeroes... he opted to entertain the other patrons at the establishment by engaging in a sword fight with rolling pins as you do.

Poppadom anyone?

jb xx