Shenanigans at the Bridge

Doubters: the photographic evidence it was
not me molesting players.

There was something in the air that night....

Ok, I’ve been antsy waiting to break out an ABBA tribute to Chelsea’s highlighted striker, but he’s been waiting for his time to sparkle - otherwise known as the always untimely African Cup of Nations. Watch this space for a repeat....

That being said, there’s certainly been the air in and around Stamford Bridge. I don’t know if it’s the tip outside Kishmish, or the wind has been blowing funny from Battersea Power Station but there’s definitely something afoot that has been causing hilarity wreaking havoc amongst those inside - and no I don’t mean the players you cheeky monkeys.

After some dodgy results, Chelsea had the good fortune of hosting Stephen Hunt and co. Seemed straight forward, all the goals and such. By the time Chelsea managed to actually find the back of the goal for a third time, the elation was so great that whoever is in charge of the PA deemed it appropriate to throw on some House of Pain - while the match was actually going. Surreal? definitely. Option for a new theme song? Well, not as of recent results, but nevermind.

Was this tribute to early nineties “hip-hop” the only exploit that made me question how many people are actually getting into some very early holiday punch?* Obviously no, or this would end here an couldn’t really count as mischief.

Next up, Chelsea faced Valencia in one of the ‘must-win’ situations that they have got themselves into. As most all of the games now fit that category it doesn’t really narrow it down. Onto the match where Drogba reminded everyone that he’s looking for a new contract why he’s world class with an early goal setting the pace of the game. In reality, Valencia were poor. But how poor could they be? Poor enough for two pitch invaders to not only disrupt the game by running around Walcott style**, but one even managed to dispossess the Valencia midfield without much trouble. With such a willingness to get stuck in and win the ball like that, Meireles broke into such a sweat that his ‘real’ tattoos started to run.

After seeing that just about anyone could impact a game at Stamford Bridge, the fourth official for the match against Manchester City thought he could have a go himself. The match was progressing as normally as any match that features Mario Balotelli could go. Maybe the torrential downpour that night had dampened the tomfoolery. It hadn’t. Mark Halsey  decided that being older and wiser than the ever swarthy AVB that he should make the necessary substitution. After AVB had words with the incorrect numbers flashing up on the substitution board, Halsey turned to the City side and offered them the same help. As punishment, Halsey has been ordered to remain in the technical area within spitting distance of Overlord Ferg throughout December. Lesson learned. 

If you see a pattern emerging - rare wins wreaking comedic havoc - you can forget about that. The final match of the calendar year saw even more pitch invading fun. Although this plucky little fellow wasn’t skilled to show up footballers with tekkers, he did manage to go unspotted. Because there is always supposed to be an extra man on the pitch without shirt or shoes? Who knows how he evaded the crack group of stewards at Stamford Bridge? He managed to get himself out there for a cuddle with Petr Cech before running up to El Cap-i-tain. It’s unclear whether he managed to get a word out after trying to snog JT before being unceremoniously tackled in the centre circle. You may think that this shy and unassuming fellow went off quietly, but he did what I learned to do when I was about 3, go limp and it makes you almost impossible to drag anywhere. Clearly he didn’t think it through as without anything on his feet, he slid pretty easily along the length of the pitch. With both originality and timing to break up a pretty abysmal day, Pitch Invader, I salute you.

Roll on 2012 and remember...

Get up, stand up, come on! Come on, throw your hands up

If you've got the feeling jump across the ceiling!

jb xx

*I may or may not have been one of those people. I can neither confirm or deny this fact. Whether I can remember or not is beside the point.

**Quickly, but without much purpose - but I’m sure you sussed that out.