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| Why yes, I do accept this |
Dear Champions League,
After our time together in Barcelona, I wasn’t really sure how you were going to be able to match that, let alone top that balmy Sangria filled night. It was pretty special, and if I’m being honest, you’ve let me down many times in the past. This was really our last chance and you went all out.
Not to be cynical, but the complete lack of expectation certainly did you some favours. And you certainly ensured my skepticism with bans to both captain and players player of the season. Sure, you thought I’d overlook that by removing Meireles and whatever is growing on his head but it doesn’t quite shift the balance.
Our day together could not have been better. The ridiculously oversized drinks in the beer kellers and of course the strudel outdid any sniff of sangria or paella. Although, I’m not sure you have the calves for lederhosen. I regret pointing that out to you in the English garden. I know you were trying to pull off the ‘when in Rome’ theme of the weekend, but just because of my lederhosen critique / nudist part of the park - so unnecessary to get your kit off there. And for the last time, yes it was a little breezy in the immediate area you were and clearly no where else.
The surprises just kept coming, you saucy little minx. After you saw the FA Cup’s disappointing start to the night, by having a bunch of men in leotards and tinfoil, you knew it wouldn’t be hard to top. But convincing Robbie Savage to serenade me on violin before the match was a stroke of genius. Not so much for the performance, but for ensuring he was no where near a microphone to attempt any form of commentary on the match itself. Inspired.
And yet despite all this, I couldn’t let our past go and the nerves really set in. It led to a little caginess that rendered us with very little going forward. I tried to distract you by suiting up John Terry, because you haven’t exactly enjoyed him in his kit, but apparently you weren’t having it. Despite my reservations, I had him change and change until you were happy. Between you and I he wanted to just wear shorts and his captain’s armband, but with him on the bench, that would have just been silly. At no other time is that silly. Ever.
The drama was all too much. The late goals were one thing, but extra time and then penalties! Was that necessary? I mean, we were there in Moscow - and we both know how that went. And now, its English versus Germans and you thought you’d go to penalties. Again.
But it was all worth it. ALL worth it. I’ve never been high maintenance, demanding of gifts. But that big shiny fuck off trophy is the greatest thing anyone has ever given me. I am fully looking forward to showing it off to each and every one of my friends, especially the ones in North London. They seemed really keen on hearing about our little date.
Looking forward to our upcoming tryst in Monaco.
Forever yours
jb xx xx
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