Aston Villa vs Chelsea: The One We Saw Duck, Duck, Guus

What scoring your first PL goal should look like!

The only takeaways anyone can truly have from Saturday are the curries they picked up after the match. A result against an Aston Villa team, who could see themselves relegated from the Championship next season, is about as meaningful as Falcao’s signing.

So, it’s no surprise that Guus Hiddink used the opportunity to select Saturday’s lineup by throwing darts at a team sheet against the wall. Because why not. It was Aston Villa (sorry Villains) and Chelsea have nothing left to play for. Aside from that alluring Europa League spot that is well within reach.

Arsenal v Chelsea: The One With No Handshake (at Wembley)

Every good thing must come to an end - as does any significant run in football. Jose Mourinho boasted an infamous record against best mate Arsene Wenger, but it couldn’t go on forever. Of course the proverbial monkey was lifted off of Wenger’s back in arguably the most Arsenal way ever - in a pre-season match that counts for little more than a few days of bragging rights. It only took 14 tries, so well done and all that.

Chelsea are good at many things. The Charity Community Shield is not one of them. Including Sunday’s trip to Wembley, Chelsea have lost in 5 of their last 6 attempts at starting the season with a glorified plate. David Moyes won it for United, and we all know how well that turned out. The match and result mattered far more to the Arsenal fans who turned up in their best Benzema shirts and Petr Cech helmets to mark the occasion. No really.