Chelsea vs The Transfer Window: The One that needs Hazard to stay

Ooohh... football friends 

It’s rare that anything about the upcoming season can truly be gleaned from whatever we are witnessing in the marketing project that is pre-season. But here we are anyways, ready to speculate and draw inferences that may or may not be true once actual competitive football rears its head — this includes Big Plate match this weekend.

Outside of Chelsea - Jose Mourinho is about to enter his third season at Manchester United. And almost as if on cue, he has gone into full melt down. Goodbye cheeky bravado, hello you miserable bastard. Of course, this could all be for show to get a few bob out of Woodward for the transfer market. But with his track record and very public debasement of the majority of his squad, it is likely we will see Mourinho pop up outside of Manchester for next year’s pre-season.

Tottenham. No new stadium (yet). No new signings (yet). Key players tuckering themselves out a World Cup. Someone might want to get on the blower to Levy and let him know the transfer window closes early this season. And hurry up with that new ground - I want to see this cheese cave!

Back to Chelsea - rather than anything cohesive as the heat in London has melted large portions of my brain, I’m just going to have a bit of a ramble. Think we can get through this together.

I’ll reserve judgement on the new man in charge. We’ll likely only see him for a year or two anyways, but I struggle with the notion that he has used sexist / homophobic / racist slurs in the past. It’s difficult to get over that hurdle when it’s the first thing you learn about them. Will try and focus just on his football (although I do reserve any and every opportunity to criticise the sloppy trackies he’s been wearing in the technical area — suit up man).

Maurizio Sarri can earn some big bonus points in my book if he manages to keep hold of the greatest player in the world Eden Hazard. Transfer window after transfer window I have had to endure the tiresome mockery from opposition supporters insisting he was off to Real Madrid. At no point did I ever believe it. Unitl now. This is the first transfer window since he scampered into our lives that I have resigned myself to losing the tiny Belgian. He very publicly declared that it ‘might be time for a change’ at World Cup.

With the mess of managerial unknown throughout most of the summer to the unrest of other players who seem to be egging him on to leave with them — looking at you Thibaut Courtois — his head has been turned. Even without a large, bald Frenchman there to welcome him into his loving arms. Real Madrid will need to add sparkle to their squad after losing Cristiano Ronaldo. It’s all very worrying. 

Agent Cesc on the case

Full credit to genius pundit and midfield maestro Cesc Fabregas for doing what he can to counteract the influence of any moody goalkeeper. Fabregas has kept in regular contact with Chelsea’s number ten encouraging him to stay. If I didn’t already love that sassy Spaniard enough ….

Anyways, thinking of a team without Hazard will drive me to drink. Heavily. So moving on to some players joining rather than leaving.

As fans panicked that Chelsea hadn’t really made any moves in the transfer market - Marina put in her extra big hoops and really pulled one out of the bag. Rob Green!

What. A. Signing. 

I get that he’s there to replace Eduardo - who I suspect a few of you may not have even realised existed. And he makes up the whole homegrown numbers. Which has to feel good for him. But more importantly it gives fans the opportunity to debate who did it better. Chelsea signing Rob Green or Manchester United nailing down Lee Grant. 

Another new boy joining the villa (ok not villa, but I’m still in Love Island withdrawal) is of course Manchester City target Jorginho. I’ll hold my hands up and say I didn’t really watch Napoli last season like every other Twitter football expert. But was cautiously optimistic in his potential just because Pep Guardiola was desperate to sign him. And in the few untested pre-season matches so far he has looked to be a player. Great vision, always wants the ball and no one is taking it off of him until he’s good and ready. Looking forward to seeing what him and N’Golo Kante can do together. Will we even need defenders?! 

Just kidding - obviously we do. Especially now that David Luiz has been freed from the naughty step for daring to have a laugh at training. Once. Sarri claims to want to bring fun back to Chelsea - which can only mean that Luiz must be first on his team sheet week in and week out. Along with the dancing machine that is Antonio Rudiger.

One last point, although I feel like we should all agree to keep this one quiet. Callum Hudson-Odoi has looked outstanding in pre-season. Rumour has it he will actually get to play. With the senior team. In actual matches! Of course we’ve heard this before about Loftus-Cheek and Chalobah from aforementioned Mr. Mourinho. So we will see. For anyone who missed his mid-week performance against Arsenal, he absolutely embarrassed Hector Bellerin. Maybe we’ll see a repeat in a couple of weeks?!

Roll on Sunday’s glorified friendly at Wembley!

jb xx