Aston Villa vs Chelsea: The One We Saw Duck, Duck, Guus

What scoring your first PL goal should look like!

The only takeaways anyone can truly have from Saturday are the curries they picked up after the match. A result against an Aston Villa team, who could see themselves relegated from the Championship next season, is about as meaningful as Falcao’s signing.

So, it’s no surprise that Guus Hiddink used the opportunity to select Saturday’s lineup by throwing darts at a team sheet against the wall. Because why not. It was Aston Villa (sorry Villains) and Chelsea have nothing left to play for. Aside from that alluring Europa League spot that is well within reach.

This was our first look in at Mr. Miyagi — because I know none of you are watching MLS. And if you are, my only question is why? Sandwiched between Ivanovic and Azpilicueta meant he was never going to put Chelsea in any real danger. And not to keep harping on this, but it was Aston Villa. To sum Villa’s season up — Liverpool have scored more goals at Villa Park in 2016 than Villa have ….  back to actual Chelsea — Mr. Miyagi filled the Gary Cahill role nicely by booting away any potential threats and maintaining exceptionally upright posture while doing so.

Baba Rahman came back into the fold and showed us why attacking midfielder, Kenedy, has been getting into the team at left-back ahead of him. His standout contribution was kicking the ball directly at Jordan Ayew. Which we’ll call an exceptionally elaborate way of passing the ball to Thibaut Courtois and leave it there.

Mabregas or Fikel if you’d rather were ever present. Solid. Forward thinking. A screen for the defence. A fantastic little partnership which never really had to get out of first gear to be effective. They never let me down.

While I’m usually full of praise for Kenedy, he looked a little lost on Saturday. He was potentially confused by being played in something much closer to his actual position rather than as a stand-in full back. But will chalk this up to an off day. They happen. Ruben Loftus-Cheek well and truly covered the youth quotient netting his first league goal. RLC also inadvertently provided the creepiest moment of the day when Michael Owen described his shape and how he’d like to see a lot more of him. Perv.

Forgetting Owen if only I could *shudder*, RLC’s goal celebration was good — but it wasn’t great. A new marker has been set for great celebrations. You know where this is going …

Pato!!

It’s impossible to tell who was the most surprised at his inclusion when Loic Remy limped off from an offside position - the commentators, the fans, or Pato himself. In his post-match interview Pato sounded like he couldn’t believe his luck when Hiddink finally called upon him. Like that lonely girl in the corner that no one asks to dance. The only person not immediately thrilled for the little duck’s inclusion was Falcao who’s face looked like a slapped arse.

If truth be told, I have been a big fan of Pato’s since Chelsea decided to do his agent a favour. I didn’t have high expectations for his footballing abilities - but his attitude won me over long before Saturday. He seems genuinely grateful to be at the club — more than a few players could learn from him.

While I haven’t seen any training sessions, so can’t account for the work he’s putting in to get himself

Not everyone was happy for Pato on Saturday

match fit, he does seem like he wants to contribute rather than just make up the numbers. And he is excited about everything — his new teammates, his training session, tea! It was rumoured that he turned down more lucrative offers to come to Chelsea. He's the type of player who might have a positive impact on the team just by being there. Enthusiasm can be infectious.

To my surprise, he had an almost immediate impact on the game. And just 20 minutes into his debut he stepped up to take the penalty that he earned after being wrestled to the ground. Curls everywhere. He did take a moment first to ask future captain Cesc Fàbregas if he could take the penalty himself. Has anyone ever been that happy to score a goal in the history of time?! Pure unadulterated joy permeated from every pore. I loved every second of it.

Who knows how he’ll fare when up against any other team at all meatier opposition or if Don Conte will decide to keep him on after this. But hopefully Guus Hiddink will afford Pato a few more minutes on the pitch so the little duck can show the world he can still swim.

jb xx