Chelsea vs Spurs: The One Where Spurs Did Not Win The League

Oh haaaiiiiii 

While considered by many to be ‘small club mentality’ or a ‘cup final’ to celebrate a victory draw to the extent Chelsea did against Tottenham on Monday night - I’m not sure it really counts when a) it’s against Spurs and b) said team has had a few fair actual cup finals to celebrate. But most of the teams bemoaning that wouldn’t know about or remember their own club’s achievements.

And let’s be honest, Chelsea fans have had literally nothing to celebrate since lifting the league trophy a year ago. The post-season / pre-season hijinks. The transfer window - incomings and a certain scrum-capped outgoing. And then the season itself. The list goes on. The Chelsea faithful deserved to have a bit of fun at least once this season to celebrate a beloved former manager and get one over on a fierce rival.

Basically, those moaning about it being ‘small club mentality’ — get over yourselves. I had fun and you can judge me as much as you want. Plus, you know you’d have done it too.*

While we all knew the fans would be up for the occasion there was a bit of a question mark over some of the players. They haven’t really been up for much this season, and with nothing to actually play for this season - would they take on board that it could redeem some of them with fans that aren’t quite as forgiving as myself. 

Both Cesc Fàbregas and Eden Hazard came out in the buildup saying they don’t want to see Spurs win the league. To then have Spurs focus so much on the gross impropriety of it all that they only forgot to beat West Brom last Monday. Pulis getting one over on them is definitely not why Spurs won’t win the league, it’s really just because Fabregas and Hazard didn’t want them to … #SpursLogic

I’ll bullet point the ridiculous lineup choices for you as you already know them:

Matic + Mikel together again (their record is 1W, 6D, 2L)

Hazard on the bench

Matic + Mikel starting together! Guus … stop it.

Monday’s game was about one thing, and one thing only - out and out sh*thousery. This was 22 players who actually gave a f*ck and it was brilliant to watch. At times football gets a bit too precious - I blame the tika taka obsessives. Brilliant skill is part of football, but it’s also a contact sport and good to see players get stuck in and battle it out for those points.

The defending for Harry Kane’s opener was a shocker - even by the standards set this season. But rather than waffling on about that let’s just all say we could have all done a bit better there. Which is not unlike a number of other shots that Tottenham managed in the opening 45 minutes.

But those goals won’t be what anyone takes away from the first half. After a number of cynical unpunished challenges, Chelsea found themselves in the position of having to up the stakes. The boiling point was Danny Rose trying to end Willian’s free-kick career just in front of the technical area. 

Rose should have a long hard look at himself here. He upset Willian. Who’s more amicable than a teddy bear. When was the last time he was phased by anything?! But Monday, Monday Willian had enough of Rose’s nonsense. While it amounted to little more than fantastic posturing - everyone, and I do mean everyone got in on the action.

Pochettino entered the fray as ‘peacemaker’, but quickly realised he was in over his head when he found himself surrounded by Chelsea’s players and had to be rescued out of the fray. Marco Amelia used the opportunity to get himself on the actual pitch but didn’t get himself in the handbags that enveloped the area. There was pushing, shoving, eye gouging. Sadly no hair pulling - that was left to Robert Huth.

When the smoke cleared, Pochettino felt safe to once again get on the pitch — but for a little apology and cuddle with Willian. Spurs’ fans did not follow the manager’s lead and continued to hurl abuse at Willian for continually getting in the way of Danny Rose’s studs. To which Willian simply responded to by simply tapping the Premier League winners badge on his arm to show them what one actually looks like.

Of course the anger towards both players and supporters of the Tottenham type persuasion could be in part Chelsea's responsibility . There is an adage that says if you say something enough times it eventually becomes true. Week after week Willian has heard that 'he hates Tottenham' ... have we reached the point that he now does in fact hate Tottenham?

Whether it was touchline hijinks or the occasion itself, Spurs well and truly lost their heads in the second half. Gary Cahill gave Claudio and company a lifeline 13 minutes in the second half. With the melee in front of goal, it was incredible that Cahill managed not only to take a shot, but get it through the number of bodies that were launching themselves about the box.

While that goal was the catalyst to the mental breakdown of all sensibility from the visitors, it was the introduction of Chelsea’s tiny Belgian that helped turn the game on its head. Pedro was getting the stuffing kicked out of him. Because to show you’re really tough, one needs to repeatedly kick the smallest least assuming player on the pitch.

Hazard is used to the aggressive and targeted defence here. Despite his claims that he’s only 80% match fit, he looked very much like the 14-15 edition Hazard with runs that evaded those nasty studs headed in his direction. With his last league goal at Stamford Bridge being the one that won Chelsea the league. It was only fitting, especially after *those* comments that he was the one to score a gorgeous goal to only go and win another title, albeit for Leicester. He sealed his definitive goal with a knee slide celebration towards the away fans. It served as a somber reminder to all teams thinking they’ve got one over on the home side by switching ends.

Obviously this could go on and on — but I’ll spare you. As the week goes on I’m sure we’ll all learn more about:

Spurs knocking over OAPs

Why Diego Costa opted to start Monday night with gloves - it was practically balmy

Why Fabregas didn’t offer to take anyone for dinner before touching their bathing suit parts

Mark Clattenburg - and where he left his red card

How Costa started a mass brawl with a backup keeper who’d been on the bench all night 

How amazing John Terry’s ‘not on my watch’ post was

How great ‘This one’s for Claudio’ was 

jb x

*This does not excuse any muggy banners that made the social media rounds before being unfurled at the end of the match