Chelsea vs Everton: The One Where One Paper Thought Ivanovic Became a Vampire

Ivanovic is a man who just needs a cuddle

I don't want to ruin anything Daily Mail, but it looks like it's been left to me to tell you -- vampires aren't a real thing. I know, it's hard to grasp. With the questionable popularity of things like Twilight -- or for those of a certain generation Interview with a Vampire. But they aren't real. And when a player bites another player, those tendencies and cravings for human flesh are not transferred. It is a Luis Suárez specific condition I'm afraid.

This may have come as a shock, so I'll understand if you need to take a minute here DM...

The Ivanovic incident may not have been the most glamorous way to end a football match - but it seems to be the most Chelsea way. A sending off. A controversy. And everyone talking about anything they can that isn't actual football.

Although you'd be hard pressed to know it from today's reports, there was an actual match that preceded the Serbian's need for a cuddle that featured yet another solid display from Happy Gilmore Zouma. He has quickly put to rest some concerns about being a top defender in a less than top league Ligue 1 making him the obvious choice to start against Zlatan FC. Although PSG may prove more of a challenge than Romelu Lukaku did, it's nothing he hasn't seen and done before.

As questionable as Lukaku's form has been this season, he did look like he wanted to show Mourinho what he'd been missing out on. Not only did he keep Zouma busy, he also forced another brilliant save from Petr Cech. The keeper once again making a case as to why he should could still be Chelsea's number one. Cech has now made 5 league appearances this season and is yet to concede. But it's unlikely that anyone out there would have expected any less from that big capped man.

New acquisition Colombian Willian Juan Cuadrado made his first start for Chelsea. And if we're being honest, didn't have much impact on the game. In fact some supporters may have entirely forgot he was on the pitch until an attempt to win a ball in the corner cropped up a good half hour into the match. As it's his first start, I'll overlook the number of times he gave away possession and how out of place he seemed to look.

One of the most over-looked points of the night was Chelsea's new free-kick taker, one Nemanja Matic. Genuinely, is there anything that man can't do. When Willian and Matic were both stood over the ball at the top of Everton's box, I fully expect Willian to put the ball into the Matthew Harding Upper. But the big Serb managed a fine effort -- and then was later disallowed his goal. Full points for his celebration though. There may have only been one person that celebrated it more.*

Despite Chelsea's best efforts, Tim Howard managed to be particularly annoying with save after save. There was every chance that it might just not have been Chelsea's night. There is also the possibility that with 9 goals in the reverse fixture, Chelsea and Everton just used them all up. But low and behold, Willian somehow found a way through to secure a very important three points towards Chelsea's title race. Actual Willian. Awkwardly, there was someone in the Matthew Harding Lower who shouted 'No, not Willian' just before he struck the ball. We don't need to name names here. Let's just say I that person was pleased to be wrong - on this one particular occasion. 

The City of Lights await ...

jb x


*We all know I made a complete plonker out of myself on that goal / not-goal. Let's just all move on with our lives.