Those Jammy Bastards..Wait...That's Us :)

Dear Manuel, Here's a tip. If Jens offers you anything -- don't take it. And I mean anything
Hello All,

You may or may not have noticed a distinct absence in blog last week. Well, all I had to say was:

. . .

So, there you go, you’ve now received all I had to add.

Onto bigger and better things. After scoring a collective 14 unanswered goals against bottom feeding Wigan, some of you (ok. . . me) may have been silly enough to think that we would have found the back of the net a few times, especially with Didi looking like he meant business. Oh how wrong we (ok. . .me) was. One lonely, jammy goal. But it was enough to get the three points and that’s all that really matters. And frankly, I’m pretty sure that Fernando should have been awarded an assist on ensuring that Ali Al-Habsi did not stop any more shots. Look out Al-Habsi, I’m pretty sure the Wenger Bus is coming...

Of course the assist, as that’s what I’m calling it (sod the actual rules), has been a point of contention as it –could- have been contested as a foul on the brilliant keeper. But as with any match officiated by Sir Howard of Webb, he is the law, and so it stands. Shockingly the commentators actually agreed with his decision (out of fear of getting sent off themselves....Webb’s law knows no bounds), that keepers are too often a ‘protected species’ and that fouls like that are too soft to be called.

And before we talk about any week day football, a full out congratulations for the baby Blues for beating Manchester United at the Bridge yesterday in the first leg of the FA Cup youth semi final. We will be taking a 3-2 lead back to Old Trafford where there is no away goal rule that allows those pesky 2 goals to infringe on our progress back to the finals. Roman Abramovich took in the game, hopefully in better trainers that he felt appropriate to show the world during our match with Wigan. Between the silly Timex that he’s got and those trainers, its hard to believe that he’s worth £2B more than this time last year. I’m officially applying for the position of personal shopper. I’ll get him sorted out with some Chuck Taylors in no time. ;)

So, there’s some match on in Manchester tomorrow. We’re not exactly in an ideal position as after a decade of trying a certain team in red learned how to beat us in our house (without any help at all from a referee not awarding a penalty – I haven’t written that 3 years running or anything...). Anyways, we should have learned from the past 3 seasons from no penalties being called for, or ghost goals being awarded that we only have ourselves to depend on. Can we recall Sturridge for this one? He’s basically our most productive striker at the moment. (Note to all of you who’ve mocked my Sturridge kit...). Anyways, our job tomorrow is simple, bag 2 or more goals to prevent Jenny from crying have a date with Schalke in the semi finals.

And for those of you who did not watch any of the other matches (and because this is clearly better than MOTD) the things that you missed:

BWFC v WHUFC – was actually Green v. Noble. I think that Green felt inspired by the return of Jens (more on that...) But Robert, you really have a lot more to live up to. Maybe next match try urinating behind the goal.

THFC v SCFC – Fuller v fan + Corluka v fan.To be fair, they both had a go at Sp*rs supporters – does anyone really blame them? I think a ban is out of order, anyone of us would have done the same thing. And obviously Corluka was just trying to emulate our own Didier Drogba. Just because you wear an alice band does not make you Didi, sort it out Vedran.

WWFC v EFC – fight club antics continue as its Beckford v Moyes. He finally gets a chance to play, so wants to play, but Moyes wants him to run more. When he became a creepy box lurker (not a euphemism) off he went. Apparently, the man with the terrible DJ Campbell tattoos disapproved and it was a proper row. Note to Jermaine: you might have some terrible ink, but your manager is a feisty Scottish man who looks like he hasn’t slept in a decade – you won’t win.

BFC v AFC – arguably and easily what was going to be my favourite fixture of the weekend outside of Chelsea, and the one that should have had more handbags than all the rest of the matches combined. Why? For those of you who don’t know, or ignored my comment about the West Ham game – we have finally seen the return of Jens Lehmann into all our lives. This match had epic written all over it after Ollie declared his team couldn’t even beat an egg – nice of Arsene to honour that by having his team dress like a bunch of eggs. But I digress. Almunia was meant to start, yet ‘mysteriously’ took ill not in any way shape or form was poisoned by Jens right before the match leaving the one and only Jens to shine at Bloomfield Road. Now, I’m not saying that there was some sort of sabotage afoot, but Arsene might want to consider travelling with more than those two. As its not unlikely that Jens may pick up a red (as he should have done), leaving only an outfield player to take his place. Lehmann did not disappoint. Within moments of starting he decided to take off his gloves and re-adjust everything. He also played fast and loose with his saves, and was lucky to get off with no punishment. It will be interesting to see his next start and who will be the first real victim of his craziness. My bet is still on Koscielny rather than opposition, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

Keep everything crossed and bring those lucky charms out tomorrow ... and get ready to drink yourselves silly.

KTBFFH

j xx

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