West Ham v Chelsea: The One Where Everyone Was Booked

Mugged right off by Bubbles

When your day begins with a giant teddy bear snubbing your handshake, you know that day is not going to be the one. Not that brilliant days have been coming thick and fast for Jose Mourinho as of late, but this proved to be an overstuffed omen. Reports that Arsene Wenger actually donned the bear suit before heading off to the Emirates for the late game remain unsubstantiated.

That pesky little bastard, hope, reared his head in the buildup to Saturday. Chelsea have an outstanding record against West Ham and until Saturday, the Hammers home form had left little to be desired. Mourinho played his strongest XI in Chelsea's mid-week Champions League match and they looked much better than they had done in some time. So he only went and picked the same XI again. Something tells me he may not do that again. At the end of the day, it’s results that matter - but with the extraordinary circumstances of the day, this particular loss felt a lot worse than how the team performed.
That very same result also has undermined West Ham’s performance. With the exception of the opening 20 minutes of the second half, West Ham were spirited and purposeful in attack. Dimitri Payet and Manuel Lanzini caused all sorts of problems. The sort of problems I’d like to see Payet’s former teammate make a little more often this season. You know who you are Eden Hazard. Despite struggles at home, West Ham have beat a number of top Premier League teams this season and Liverpool.

So how did Saturday completely unravel?! It wasn’t the luckiest of outings for Chelsea, was it?

The most notable of unlucky moments was the Kurt Zouma goal / no goal. Or the moment that Frank Lampard came back to bite Chelsea’s bottom (again). Goal-line technology is so precise that because a couple of stitches remained on that cursed line, Zouma was denied Chelsea's equaliser. It had to be the closest anyone has come to scoring without actually scoring ever. And by ever, I mean in the history of time. Ever. Fortunately, heads did not go down and Chelsea cracked on.

Rise of the Machines

Moments later, Cesc Fàbregas hit the back of the net and is promptly called offside. While some think the call was debatable, I think we can all agree here in our circle of trust that it was definitely the wrong call. Fabregas was level at worst. Just because the West Ham players raise their arms and want it to be offside, shouldn’t mean it actually is. Equaliser again denied.
Failing to recognise that neither technology nor the referees were going to be favourable with their decisions Nemanja Matic steamed into a couple of challenges and only went and found himself booked — for both. So he’s now found himself in the comfortable position of not having to worry whether he’ll be in the next XI or not.

Matic may have sauntered off the pitch to the warm embrace of Steve Holland, but it was this moment that really should see him renamed as Patient Zero. That sending off ignited an absolute clusterf*ck of chaos.

The Chelsea players appearaed as fond of Matic’s dismissal as I was and were closer than me to relay that sentiment to John Moss. While John Terry valiantly stepped in to clear the area - he wasn’t quite quick enough <insert jokes about his pace as a defender here - we get it. He's not fast>. Diego Costa and Fàbregas both found themselves in the book for complaining about Matic's booking.

John Moss wasn't the only person finding himself surrounded

Of course it wouldn’t be a clusterf*ck if it ended there. Silvino Louro found himself sent off for complaining about all three bookings. But of course, it’s that final sending off that has been the entire narrative of this match.

When the teams emerged in the second half, Fàbregas was no longer on the pitch and Mourinho was not on the bench with constant companion Rui Faria. Rumour has it, Mourinho wanted to have a word with the referees at the break. They felt otherwise and Mourinho was swiftly deposited in the director’s box. The way the afternoon was shaping up, I half expected myself to be booked by John Moss at some point.

Whether the removal of Mourinho surprised or distracted West Ham from their very direct game - the second half started at a much slower tempo. Chelsea appeared to be coming into their own and just about getting the better of the game even with just 10 men. I’m not saying the tempo had anything to do with the introduction of Jon Obi Mikel, but he’s not known as the ‘human full time whistle’ for nothing.

Gary Cahill was the surprising source of Chelsea’s overdue equaliser. Third times a charm and all that. Cahill has scored more goals against West Ham than against any other team. That was his fourth against the Hammers for those of you who keep track of that sort of thing. My match notes actually end there. So technically, it was a draw, yes?

Ok, after those notes ended. Some football happened and Chelsea were 10 minutes from a solid point, and only Andy bl***dy Carroll popped up for a header. He’s a handful when he finds himself in those rare moments that he is fully fit. Genuinely though, who was meant to be marking him? Whatever anyone makes of Aaron Cresswell's crossing, everyone knows Carroll will get his head on the end of it. How did the smallest of Chelsea’s defenders end up in front of him for that goal?

Chelsea are now sat on 11 points after the opening 10 games and 6 losses in all competitions. Watford have more points. This is an even more spectacular title defence than the Champions League defence in 2012/13. Obviously something is not right in the state of Denmark - or at least down Cobham way.

The fallout from this result and those final few minutes of the first half will no doubt rumble on into the week, if not the season. The Eva Carneiro business pales in comparison to this and people still persist on talking about that at any given opportunity. Someone got shouted at, get over yourselves.

Anyways, back to Saturday — unsurprisingly the FA have once again come down on the club for failing to control the players, on Louro and of course Mourinho. Whether this violates the stadium ban sanctions is debatable as he did not publicly criticise the referees in the post-match press conference. As there wasn’t one - from him or anyone else at the club. If a stadium ban does go ahead, hopefully it will be a speedy decision and done and dusted Tuesday night at the Britannia rather than this weekend for the arrival of the messiah (other religious figures are available and will be attributed to Klopp throughout his tenure). As much of a fan as I am of the dynamic duo that is Faria and Holland, I’m not sure they can handle 90 minutes left to their own devices.

Despite Chelsea's performance being notably better than much of what has been on display this season, a small faction of vocal fans will be using this game as justification for turning on Mourinho ages ago. Those that have, have not thought things through. Mourinho is in a bad moment on a very personal level. This may have affected his ability and effectiveness as a coach in this moment.

But it’s a moment - and one that won’t likely last. Mourinho’s DNA is brimming with nothing but success. He doesn’t know or accept failure - and expects the same in others. He has never found himself in this position before - and he will have to dig deep to find a way out.  While fans may not have the patience to see this through, the club are standing by him and accept that he has things in his life happening that are bigger than football.* For those vociferous fans, this may be a good reminder that the grass isn’t always greener. A new manager at this stage of the season may not stop the decline. The carousel never stops turning.

jb x

*I accept this is hard to believe, but there are a couple things in life that are bigger than football. Not many, mind