Maccabi vs Chelsea: The One with Kisses & Cuddles

JoMo working on his half-time team talk

Chelsea only went and did another win on Tuesday night. Subsequently they have found themselves in what could be the most awkward three-way since Bruce, Kris and Caitlyn Jenner. Before cracking on with how they got there - all you need to know is that IF Chelsea don’t lose - they are through to the knockout stages. Of course they will be playing the one team fighting for their lives. And said team may have a goalkeeper with a vendetta against Mourinho  … but … narrative!

If you can believe it - Chelsea have now managed consecutive wins and kept clean sheets! It’s the first time they’ve managed that since, well, the last time they faced Maccabi Tel Aviv. Of course the wins have nothing to do with the level of opposition. It’s all about another corner being turned, right? RIGHT?

At the bare minimum, it has bought us all a few more weeks before a very specific someone decides it's definitely Mourinho's last game. Again. 


With Chelsea soldiering on without a striker, it was left up to the defenders to get the job done for Chelsea. Gary Cahill not only opened the scoring, but only did it from his own rebound. Opta failed to recognise this deft move as a perfectly legitimate assist. Surely it could have helped out his current (and prolonged) contract negotiations.

Former Cech hitman Chelsea defender Tal Ben Haim donned his secret agent cap once again to only go and get himself sent off. It’s rare that a player who fouls Diego Costa would find himself in such a predicament. But, Ben Haim is the consummate professional when it comes to kicking people and got in a second to show how thorough he could be. His actions took Maccabi Tel Aviv down to 10 men and evened things up for his former side.

With Costa’s lone contribution in the first half limited to taking a bit of a kicking, it’s unsurprising that some heated words were exchanged with Mourinho and his crew. However JoMo was quick to point out that Costa was treated to some kisses and cuddles away from the disapproving eye of the cameras. Tough love indeed.

Despite facing Maccabi Tel Aviv! just 10 men, Chelsea made hard work of the opening 20 minutes of the second half. Luckily free-kick taker extraordinaire, Willian, was on the case and put Chelsea 2-0 up. Obviously Willian’s tireless performances this season guilted Oscar into action who saw fit to score just minutes later. He managed to get on the end of a pacey little cross from Baba Rahman.

The goalscoring ended as it began, with not Diego Costa a central defender popping up for the goal. How Nosa thought he would stop the juggernaut that is Kurt Zouma by holding his shirt is beyond me. His disbelief and outrage that Zouma somehow mustered up the strength to do it was outstanding. It was the first time Chelsea managed this many goals since seeing off the mighting Walsall and ... Maccabi Tel Aviv! Huzzah!

Of course it wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine, John Terry found himself unceremoniously carried off on a stretcher. This is a man who once refused help leaving the pitch with three broken bones in his foot, consenting to an actual stretcher doesn’t relay the most positive of outlooks. But Terry wasn’t the only one to suffer an injury, Cesc Fàbregas thought he’d share with the world a picture of a disgusting looking toe. Not that toes aren’t a bit gross anyways. But this was all split and bleeding courtesy of a foul earlier in the game. And you're welcome for me not sharing it with you. I've seen it so you don't have to.

With this new corner turned, Chelsea should be all set for Spurs on Sunday. They might even score a goal from open-play!

jb xx