Chelsea's Torrid Affair with Thursday Night Cup

We're in serious like - but not yet love

Dear Thursday Night Cup Europa League,

I can’t say that our continued affair right under the nose of your big brother would have lasted this long. We didn’t exactly get together in the best of circumstances. And if I’m being really honest, I was using you to make Champions League jealous after he so callously tossed us aside. Not that I’m annoyed that the honeymoon period was so short. (I am). But nevertheless, you’ve stayed with us even though, we have let ourselves go.

Once a break from your brother looked imminent, we really let the waistband expand in the technical area. Gone was the suave sophistication that finally won over your brother, to be replaced by one of his former flames. But Europa League, you didn’t seem to mind.  Your brother had us enchanted with exotic locations and hypnotic music. But you don’t bother with such frivolity despite the odd complaint.

Reluctantly, you first took us to Prague. The home of our own number one. And on Valentine’s Day nonetheless. Playing the sentimental card right from the get go might be a bit keen, but can’t say we minded. And we certainly did what we could to put you off, the appearance of both Marin and Benayoun, well, we can only apologise for that now. We were still not in a good place. Although Hazard only joined us because of your big brother, he certainly did what he could to keep this going. A last minute decision, and he’d booked us another date. What fantastic European city would you take us to this time Europa League?

Romania....

Um. OK. We know it has been three months since we’d last seen your brother, and sure, you probably thought we were over him so you didn’t have to try. But Bucharest? Really? Milan, Istanbul, Rome ... even North London at a pinch may have had a little more glamour. Ok, maybe not Seven Sisters, but Bucharest. I know it’s something *different* but still ... The only way for you to really think about what you’ve done is offer you up Marin and Benayoun. But you saw through us Europa League. For years, we tried to impress Champions League and to what end? You took our petulance in stride. Confident that we could work this out.

Before we even begin to talk about our next date, we need to take a moment to address the domestic abuse we suffered at your hands. Kicking our most beautiful asset in the face was a moment of cruelty that even your brother did not sink too. Not to undermine the years of abuse we suffered at the Champions League’s hands. But nevermind. Bloodying up that nose for Red Nose day isn’t exactly what the fundrasiers had in mind for comic relief. But the method to your madness is appreciated. We could not have predicted that you merely did it for our own good.

As we emerged from the tunnel for the first half of our date with Rubin Kazan, we came out ready, and fantastically accessorised. The Mask of Zorres became nothing short of a European myth itself, and we have you to thank for that. This masked man who has failed to score domestically since before Christmas had the game of his (Chelsea) career with his newly adorned facade and we have you to thank. Just because the emergence of the mask coincided with a special on E4 about dogging and their masked perverts was an accident we’re sure.

The second half of this date was in Moscow. In the very same place that some tears were shed. Ok, a lot of tears were shed. It was not easy for us to face that again, but with us getting along so well, it was therapeutic. Although you didn’t make it easy for us as we lost there. Again. But like keeping the same manager for more than a year, winning has got all a bit too mainstream. And what better way to win than ...well, lose? We loved it Thursday Night Cup Europa League. It was all a bit different. And we were finally on board with this ride. You ensured that once again, we were Europe’s only English rose. And by rose we mean a little band of misfits from SW6. And by little band of misfits, we mean an exceptionally well paid group of players who might have wanted to play like this when they were in Turin. But nevermind that now.

Although we've been having a good time having you as our bit on the side, as we are still technically with your brother, and been enjoying our dates it's been a bit chilly. You've taken us to Prague, Bucharest, Moscow. You couldn't have thrown Lisbon in? We look better with a bit of colour - even if we look like a lobster after being in the sun for 5 minutes. We're now arguably Brazilian and Spanish enough to really look our best in the sun. Even the beaches in Turkey would have been lush. We suppose handing us the club that took out Spurs was somewhat funny and we like cheese. It would have been nice to share some time alone with you away from those clock conventioneers, but that would have been all too conventional for our relationship.

We have to apologise for last Thursday. I mean we were 'up for it'. But we're just so tired. We keep ourselves busy Europa League when you're not around. Probably a little too busy. I'm not saying we may have had to have a little nap on Thursday to come out as sprightly as we did in the second half. But never mind that now. We've got ourselves a final date. In Amsterdam.

It's been a bumpy ride. And I know it's all a bit awkward that in reality, we're being a bit naughty greedy and want you and your brother at the same time this month. But who's really the naughty one? You're taking us to the Red Light district for our final date this year! You filthy minx Europa League. We were the first that Champions League cast aside while still hitched. So, you can't really blame us to want to throw it back in his face. It's not going to be easy with Benfica who are surely favourites as they spend the lead up relaxing in the sun, and doing a whole lot of nothing. While we're spending the lead up running around this country trying to make sure we've got a date secured in Europe next year. Admittedly, it's all for your brother. Last year in Munich was just so good, we're hoping we get to do it all again, even if it does mean a few more years of callous treatment at his hands.

I can't say I haven't enjoyed our affair. And any bumps along the way have really been our own doing. You've been so much easier than your brother. But maybe you could glam yourself up a bit, at least for Mikel, could you sort out the music?

See you in Amsterdam!

jb xx