Liverpool v Chelsea: Reality Bites

The moment Suarez realises he did
not bite Ivanovic hard enough

How was this weekend’s football ever going to live up to all the excitement of last weekend where a man squared up to a horse, and Aguero played proctologist for a day? Saturday limped through with nothing more than QPR and Reading playing chicken with points, and Arsenal doing what they could to make the race for top four interesting. And then came Sunday ....

Rain soaked and crammed into tiny pubs all around Anfield, Chelsea watched as seven minutes was all it took for Spurs to turn Chelsea's match with Liverpool from probably should win into absolutely have to win. It was about as positive a sign as was a manager being in charge of the club in his former ground hearing what sounded like applause for the first time for him this season. Or was that merely interim applause?

Either way as supporters made their way in they were treated with a lot of pomp and circumstance and a minute’s applause for fear that the ne’re-do-well Chelsea supporters ruin their moment again. A woman who’d spent her life fighting for the justice of her son’s lost life warranted that moment. People who lost their lives while punishing their bodies for the good of a number of charities deserved their moment. Linking the two tragedies was crass, inappropriate at minimum.

The match was always going to be a lively one on and off the pitch. And despite some cynical thoughts that may have transversed by imagination, the lineup wasn’t the Southampton-style horror show I had anticipated. However, with such a delicate constitution and not being cup tied for Thursday, the mask of Torres should have been a spectator for this occasion only. This moment could have tipped the balance just enough to be even more powerful than the influence that masochistic accessory.

In fact, that lineup was almost a little too good, despite missing goal scoring hero Frank Lampard. And we weren’t the only ones to notice. Once the game seemed well under Chelsea’s control, it was inevitable that Benitez would pull a blinder of a flagellating substitution. With Hazard running rings around Anfield, it was a surprise to no one that he was the first to be shown the bench. Was the GSH Frank Lampard about to come on to add a little meat to the midfield - in light of later events, it’s a good thing he didn’t. Benitez opted to bring on Benayoun. Outside of helping Liverpool get back into things, there is no real reason for this sub. 

But wait ... Mata was also going to have to make way if Liverpool really were to make a go of things. So off he came for Victor Moses. Obviously, terrible substitutions are no real talking point at this stage of the interim one’s tactical career. They’re more like a calling card.

It appears that Suarez is making amends for his moment with Patrice Evra last season, by covering up for new bezzie mate Daniel Sturridge. In a moment of European Champions medal envy, Sturridge decided that maybe Ryan Bertrand no longer needed his legs and took him out where some good ole handbags erupted. Big Pete finally decided that while he’s saddled with the armband, it’s almost his job or something to intervene. So broke things up. Sensing there could be big trouble for Danny, Suarez became the martyr.

In a moment of absolute petulance or extreme hunger, Luis Suarez bit another player. Again. Like a toddler who isn’t getting his way, he has actually decided that he can’t do anything about anything and bit down on the nearest person. Let’s all really just think about that for a minute. Try not to get so angry that you’re going to bite the person in the office that’s just a little too close. 

If a player is going to do something that is beyond the rules (or realm of what should be possibility), at least make it worth your while. This didn’t stop a goal or gain one yourself. It’s not a bad tackle where you’re just trying to stop some one. It is actual lunacy that this is not even the first time he’s done it. And with teeth like that, it’s some serious foul play. To really highlight the fact that he’s done something really wrong, the only person to come out and speak on his behalf is Joey Barton. With Mike Tyson thinking Luis might make a good follow on Twitter. 

Ironically, only days before mistaking Ivanovic for a kebab, good ole Luis gave an interview in the press saying he was going to work on his behaviour because of the criticism he gets at home from his wife. It’s nice that she can watch the game with their daughter, while he openly demonstrates what not to do at the playground.

Liverpool are not in a real position to speak about a player who’s bit someone after purchasing said player only 12 weeks after biting someone else. It would have been more cost effective had they just purchased a muzzle or hired Cesar Millan to sort Suarez out before he bit someone else.

This man thinks he's squared up to Suarez
after being bitten too

Suarez has been ‘fined’ by the club and donated the money to a Hillsborough charity on the week of the anniversary. Probably a much nobler gesture had he just donated some money in the first place rather than it having to be a quick PR move to save himself a little face from bitegate. 

As for how the two Liverpool managers dealt with the whole affair. Rodgers, although did not comment on the incident until seeing it, did say that no player was replaceable no matter how good they think they are when asked directly about Suarez’ future. Rodgers also went on to praise Cech’s performance.

After giving a wave to what he seemed to think was still his support (to be fair, they are the only ones who DO support him), Benitez was then asked about the team he was supposed to be interim managing. The same man who justified his comments about Chelsea back in November by saying: “I will try to defend my club, and this is now my club.” Brilliant. So, the outrage at hearing and seeing the treatment of the club he's meant to be clearly managing was about to spill from his permanently smug face. There must have been outrage from him at the Sturridge tackle on Bertrand and a player biting one of “his” players. No. Unsurprisingly there wasn’t. The most he could muster was some faux outrage at the Fergie time that has pervaded Anfield. But that’s all he could manage. Six minutes was too much. 45 seconds beyond that was inexplicable. Such strong words must have had everyone in the press room shuddering. It's possible that he was still stunned at hearing a sound so foreign to him these past few years - applause - that he considered Sunday a win all around.

The final goal came from a man who shouldn’t have been let off his leash on the pitch. A minute after the final whistle should have gone. Nearly three minutes after the whistle actually should have gone - six minutes was excessive and could easily have been the biggest injustice if it hadn’t been for the Uruguayan Werewolf on Merseyside. Fines and bans are all well and good, but that’s not going to give Chelsea the two vital points that should never have been dropped.

jb x

Editors Note: It has yet to be confirmed that the Society of Serbian Lawyers are about to launch a Kick Cannibalism Out of Football campaign. Details to follow.