Chelsea v Sunderland: When Football Goes Pinball

"Maybe this jumper was a mistake"

As expected, this was never going to be a very attractive game. And Paolo Di Canio ensured that with that dodgy vest he opted to sport for his Sunderland debut. Knowing that all eyes would be on this game, that vest can be considered no less than an act of aggression by the Italian.

Of course no one was more pleased at Di Canio's appointment ahead of this fixture than the Interim One. Benitez assumed that having an admitted fascist at Stamford Bridge Sunday would somehow take the target off his back and give those Eastern European bloggers someone else to 'slander'. Obviously deluded sentiment, but in his enthusiasm, he forgot to separate Mata, Hazard, and Oscar. Not getting too carried away of course he did sit Lampard and ensured Terry could remain close to Di Canio. But regrettably, I do have to give him credit for the trio behind Demba Ba. I will not be giving credit for the lad behind me who tried to rhyme Di Canio with Nazio.*


After losing 15 of their last 16 matches and seeing off O'Neill, Chelsea should have welcomed the sight of Sunderland with this being their fourth match in 8 days. But this is a team that has generously donated points to relegation battlers including but certainly not limited to the likes of Reading and neigbours QPR. Continuing in the spirit of magnanimity, Azpilicueta gave the hard working visitors a hand and volleyed the ball right past Cech.
Sunderland were just as amazed as everyone else to be ahead at the half. When you're keeper is time wasting at the half hour mark, it's really giving the whole play for a draw game plan away. Helping matters along was Neil Swarbrick who thought each free kick should take about 5 minutes. He also thought Craig Gardener improving Chelsea's chances by taking out Demba Ba was worthy of a yellow.  I'm hoping he has a fantastic time taking charge of a League One match next week.

"I'm back bitches"

As the second half began, a certain masked man emerged from the tunnel in place of Demba Ba. Ba had a poor first half and it should have been a tactical change. But that would have been a half hour too early for the Interim One. Lucky for Chelsea Gardener was feeling so up for it, as it became the decisive moment for the game. Once again, like a man possessed by his new fashion accessory, Torres controlled the game creating all sorts of problems for Sunderland's defence. Technically, it was Own Goal who popped up for his second goal of the game, but it's hard to deny the man in the mask orchestrated it.

The winning goal came off Ivanovic's heel from David Luiz's shot. Like anyone who finds themselves accidentally doing something a bit amazing, Ivanovic 'meant to do it'. However, being the hipster and pinball wizard he is, David Luiz actually used Ivanovic to ricochet the ball off of because just shooting it would have been far too mainstream.

So for those of you who only had to sit through 10 minutes of highlights, count yourselves lucky. For those of you who haven't seen them yet - the summary is: delayed free kicks, Gardener kicks Ba, Luiz elbows Wickham, volleyed own goal, Torres forced to come on for Ba, deflected and rolled over the line own goal, deflected off of Ivanovic goal, Benitez laps up all the credit. In the post match interview after discussing Azpilicueta's own goal, Benitez joked it was a good day because Chelsea had scored all three goals. Where was Shreeves to point out that no matter which way you add it up with the own goals, Chelsea still only scored two themselves, and even if he's not a fascist he's still public enemy number one in SW6.

jb x

* although only slightly more creative than the Sunderland right wing / White Cats jokes, still poor effort. Say it in your head first.