There Was Something in the Air That Night, The Stars were Bright...

Burning Shirts is SO five years ago...


Well hello there,

 Some of you may have expected to see this on Monday, but I wasn’t going to be sucked into it. Ron Gourlay was involved in this negotiation, and I was sure it wouldn’t go through. I'm not being funny, but if Gourlay were ever in a hostage negotiation situation, there'd be scenes out of the Chainsaw Massacre on our hands. Goulay is to negotiations what Richard Keys is to on air apologies. But there are a bunch of other men in blue we need to discuss first...

 Everton...

Bah. How does Saha and his ginger tinted locks actually manage to score on us? Ridiculous. Sure, Everton played very well, and for very large expanses of time on Saturday, we did not. But still. He might as well join Citeh and fully exploit his bogey nature. Anyways thanks to the heroics of Big Pete (and Essien) at the back, we were spared some blushes of being eliminated and have been given the Valentine’s gift of replay thanks to one Salomon Kalou. For those of you who have to listen to my ramblings up close and personal.....you will have seen this coming for some time now. So bear with me...

 Kalou is possibly the most underappreciated player in the league...and that’s by his own supporters. You know who you are. If you've been reading these (or know me), you'll know I think he's fantastic. Issues of the past with offside are long gone, and you can't blame the man for being speedy. ;) He’s worked that out, works hard, and is one of the few players who can and does run with the ball getting himself in a position to score. But one of his best assets is his spirit for the club and football. Our number 21 never complains and gives us whatever he’s got whether he starts or comes off the bench. He’s also scored some great and important goals for us which no one ever seems to remember. I’m looking at you bloke at the Sp*rs match who questioned when he had previously scored. For the rest of you who forget...it was the match before...and the match before that. Just sayin’. Anyways, after 2 goals in 2 games, and a really great performance yesterday against Sunderland, I thought the little one from the Ivory Coast was fully deserving of a whole paragraph as there is a certain Spaniard that will have everyone’s attention over the next few weeks. Plus it takes a pretty spectacularly confident man to pull off the shirts he does, I mean, he's got to be sewn into them or maybe just painted on. Either way, along with the goals, and skills....you got to give it up for the kit. ;)

 I’m basically being a transfer tease here...but you’ll have to wait or scroll down. I’m really not at your computer holding your eyes open making you read these words Clockwork Orange style.

 I missed the opening minutes of yesterday’s match and was shocked to see us down a goal already especially looking back at the game. For the 1200 of you who managed to travel to the Stadium of Light (a really fun away game if you haven’t done it yet), you were not disappointed by either side. The first half being end to end was more fun for the neutrals, while the second half of attack was impressive. Methinks there are two men auditioning to keep their roles in the lineup as both Anelka and Kalou were outstanding. After yesterday, it would almost look like Didi should be the one to make way for any new striker we could possibly now have on the books. Although, he was back defending our net while John Terry did his best impression of a striker and completely abandoning Ivanovic. It certainly paid off, but seems that he read the papers wrong. No John Terry, you are not the striker that we just paid £50M for, but I do appreciate your efforts.

 So on to the transfer window....what a crazy day. There was more action in this window then on Ashley Cole’s mobile. I was expecting a slow day of Olly arguing with Liverpool about the £46M evaluation of Charlie Adam, but who knew this was ahead of us. We managed to get David Luiz! Apparently the signing of a defender isn’t ‘sexy’, I say, they haven’t seen his hair. With Benfica playing hard to get by calling the deal off on their website a few days ago, it didn’t seem we’d be adding this pious defender to our group of naughty lads at the back. There was even a last minute bit of drama as he was hauled off the plane in Portugal, they say it was for paperwork, I say it was to grab some extra holy water.

 Somehow, I’m not feeling that this is the man you want to discuss today....I can avoid this no longer. After mild flirtations in just about every transfer window, I can now safely say, we finally got our man. Not something I get to say often about myself the club. It hasn’t really set in. World Cup goal scorer winner , Fernando Torres ‘used to be out on the rob, but now he has a proper job.’ I’m not really sure whether to be excited or not. I think there’s a lot more questions than answers at this point. I mean, sure, within the last few weeks there are some journalists and pundits who feel that he is getting back to his best. I’m not sold on that, but I’m obviously hoping it to be true. Ultimately, he needs to find his form and work it out with Didi. Clearly, they are going to be our big men up front, with Anelka possibly slotting in behind them. A frightening prospect for defenders across the league. So, there you have it, we have a new number nine, and his debutante ball will be this Sunday...against Liverpool. I’m pretty sure that the Premier League uses the same script writers as truly terrible ‘reality’ shows like The Hills. Its all a little convenient. Nando claims he wants to score this weekend, and fortunately for once, it can’t be against us.

 It’ll be a surreal trip to see him in a Blue shirt and what better way to experience all of the madness than heading down to the pub as early as humanly possible so that you can hear from the Scousers how terrible our new striker is, and that, in fact, uncapped and injured Andy Carroll is a bargain purchase at £35M. My only question of him is that does Gerrard or Carragher get full custody, and will Kevin Nolan still get him every other weekend and holidays?

 Sulky strikers is what we do best. The last one we signed managed a golden boot in his first full season after he signed with us in January and he’s been scoring ever since. Will Torres live up to the bench mark Le Sulk has set? Will Didi, Nando, and Le Sulk have a pout off pre-match? Will the Eyebrow of Doom get in on the action?

 And for the record, any and all ‘hat tricks’ scored by El Nino will henceforth be known as Sombrero Tricks.

 A win on Sunday means Sangria for celebration.

Bem-vindo to SW6 David Luiz

Bienvenida to SW6 Fernando

 KTBFFH

 jb x

http://twitter.com/cfc_jb
http://twitter.com/cfc_toronto

ps (and feel free to send me your own...i’m keeping this one clean)

Money proved he wasn’t red,

Torres, Torres

He left the Kop to join the Shed,

Torres, Torres

He used to go out on the rob,

But now he’s got a proper job

Fernando Torres

Chelsea’s Number Nine