Chelsea vs Everton: The one that Rooney sweated through his Spanx

'You call this hot?! Pffftt'

Hot fun in the summertime. Or if you were in the East stand or Gate 15 more like melt your face off fun in the summertime. And come away blind like you’re Donald Trump staring straight into an eclipse kind of fun. Despite the sweat stains cropping up where sweat stains should never be - it was a fun day out at Stamford Bridge, especially after Chelsea’s last outing there.

Less so if you’re a team that’s already played SEVEN competitive matches this season — including three in the last week. A maddening schedule at the best of times. This kind of fixture congestion is usually saved for Christmas. I’m not convinced that Ronaldo Koeman feels like Christmas came early for his side.

RoKo made five changes to the side that won in Croatia on Thursday night offering some fresh legs to face a well rested Chelsea side. But keeping little gems like Dominic Calvert-Lewin on the bench offered Everton very little in terms of pace for the majority of this match. Wayne Rooney did himself no favours in the heat either by opting on coming out in a full body suit underneath his kit. Someone didn’t check their Yahoo weather report before getting dressed on Sunday morning.

Antonio Conte made three changes to the side that saw off Tottenham - and thankfully none of them were to his attire. I tip my cap to the man who not only turned up in his black suit but kept it on the entire match despite the sun beating down on him throughout the match. There would have been some damp and uncomfortable hugs after the match. Pray for his dry cleaner.

David Luiz moved rightly back to his position of bossing the back line. While the masked wonder that is Pedro returned to run circles around Ashley Williams. Thankfully his speed was enough to battle Williams’ natural gravitational pull. And Cesc Fabregas got off the naughty step for his sarcastic applause and back beside N’Golo Kante.

In less than a half hour, that feisty little Spaniard put Chelsea 1-0 up in a Freaky Friday kind of moment. A quick thinking Alvaro Morata knocked the ball down for Fabregas who finished like a forward. As good as the goal was, the best thing about it was his celebration. He ran to the corner to celebrate with his family - waving at them etc and so on. Nice stuff. But what made it great was the fans who had no idea that he was waving at his family and all took it super personal waving back like doughnuts who thought it was just for them. 

Just before the half, Chelsea’s Spanish armada struck again with Cesar Azpilicueta providing the ball in for Alvaro Morata. Warning — stat incoming. Skip ahead if you want no part of it. Mortal is the first player in Premier League history to both score and assist a goal in each of his first two home games. And while football goes well beyond the Premier League erat that’s still an impressive feat. Something tells me he might have set that benchmark a little out of reach.

There was an additional 45 minutes of this match but not much of note happened. Everton almost had a shot on target. Thibaut Courtois was briefly called into action tipping a shot over the net. Calvert-Lewin was finally released from the bench and seemed to be everywhere in Chelsea’s half. But it came to nothing. Victor Moses squandered what could have been a third goal by shooting himself rather than passing to Willian, so nothing new there either.

Everton’s wait for a win at Stamford Bridge trundles on. 

One thing that needs addressing after the comments I heard around me on Sunday (sorry if you sit near me — I’m sure it wasn’t you … ). Yes — ‘the Everton goalkeeper is pretty good’. It’s almost like Everton paid £30million for him and he’s essentially England’s number one goalkeeper now. Jordan Pickford. Remember his name — at least for the trip to Goodison Park.

Enjoy the international break you lot!

jb xx