Chelsea vs Tottenham: A Masterclass in Tim Sherwood

Samuel Eto'o: consummate performer/occasional goalscorer 

With Tim Sherwood preparing his squad by noting what a poor record they have at Stamford Bridge, what could possibly go wrong? Well, outside of the massive Champions League flag being displayed for those that travelled from the far reaches of North London it started fairly well for Sherwood FC. Vertonghen tormenter Torres had to pull out of the match due to problem in and around his bathing suit parts. And with no Chelsea player managing a goal after scoring a hat-trick this season, Spurs had to be chuffed that OAP Samuel Eto'o would be taking his place.

Another notable absence from the starting lineup was Willian. It has yet to be confirmed that Daniel Levy did in fact pay for Willian's travel card that day. And although he gratefully accepted the transport, he had no intention of using the round-trip fare. Willian realised that he does not particularly care for Tottenham.

Eden Hazard went close to scoring early in the second half. But the weight of the hat-trick curse was too much for his little body to handle, and he somehow shot just wide. Although Tottenham looked a bit brighter than they have done, it may have been more to do with the shift that Schürrle was wasn't putting in that gave them a glimmer of home to maybe come away with a point.

With Chelsea's two massive Serbians pretty much in control of the game, Mourinho felt comfortable in giving Frank Lampard a bit of a rest in the second half. Oscar's 45 minute timeout did his recent form a world of good as he looked ready to get stuck in. Or at least like he wouldn't need to curl up at the corner flag for a nap at any given moment.

Tactical mastermind, Tim Sherwood, had not anticipated the savvy change in personnel as he, like many others, may have anticipated a schwïft departure for Schürrle. Either way, Chelsea's side was improved, and Spurs cracked with impressive vigour under the pressure.

It has not yet been determined whether Mourinho got a bit shouty with Samuel Eto'o because of his performance, or simply because he was hard of hearing, but message was well and truly received. Eto'o only went and broke the curse of the hat-trick, with a lovely assist from Torres fan Jan Vertonghen. He somehow made it all the way to the corner flag before needing it to support his ageing back as he celebrated in glorious fashion. He could teach Wes Hoolahan a thing or two. But when in doubt ironic goal celebrations > no / muted goal celebrations. Always.

But Samuel Eto'o wasn't done there. Oh no. He felt the visual insult of Younes Kaboul's barnet was an insult to those in attendance and was worthy of a early shower. So promptly got him sent off. With the quality of Michael Oliver's refereeing up until that point, a dodgy sending off was always coming. This all freed up penalty virtuoso Eden Hazard to also resume his scoring ways after the hat-trick had weighed the tiny Belgian down.

And then things all went really wrong (for Tottenham). Demba Ba was about to come on and clearly fancied a goal. Watching Sherwood's strategy play out seemed to bolster his confidence. With a little help from Walker and Lloris, Demba Ba only went and got himself a brace. Demba Ba. For Chelsea.

Despite his rousing words of encouragement before the match, Tim Sherwood wasn't a happy camper when all was said and done. He wants to take the team mentality out of things as he feels his side get on just too well. Whether he's hoping for some mild infighting and a proper blame game, no one can be sure. But guaranteed it was a long bus trip from Stamford Bridge. Lucky for Willian that he 'saw the light'.

jb x