City v Chelsea: When Aguero Met Luiz' Buttock

Oh hi David Luiz' bum

With replay after replay, Chelsea somehow found themselves back and Wembley in the FA Cup. Could the magic of the Cup and new Wembley be enough to trump Rafa? Er, no. No it could not. No magic or luck is powerful enough to battle yet another dodgy lineup. The interim one was the first of many a manager to drop both Frank Lampard and John Terry from a semi-final or final since 2006. And we all know how well that worked out for him.

If anyone has any idea what the tactics were to have Chelsea's diminutive midfield pitted against the juggernaut that is Yaya Toure without any girth themselves, I'd love to hear it. Mystifying choice beyond the fact that Lampard played on Thursday. Either way you cut it, you need both an experienced man and sizeable character if you're going to stop Toure.

More mystifying was the omission of finally in-form goal scoring masked wonder that is Fernando Torres. The one from a few seasons ago. You might remember him from other games such as Barcelona, or any game against Manchester United when he sported a less flattering colour. But the occasion warranted a man who is actually finding the net. In the last few matches he's shown enough that City's defence were told to mark exclusively him to free up Demba Ba.

Torres arrival on the pitch signified to everyone that maybe, just maybe it might be time to actually start playing rather than mincing about as they had done throughout most of the first half. But this was Wembley and the FA Cup after all, and Chelsea couldn't go out without a fight. Unfortunately, not only was it all a tad too little too late, but Chris Foy decided he would have one of those games. You know the ones - where he essentially forgets that he's a referee and not just a really well paid fan who's required to go for a light jog in order to pay for his prime viewing locations.

The moment where Aguero's too little feet decided to get up close and personal with David Luiz buttock should probably have been the moment he was shown an early shower. More mystifying is that since we've all got to see it again and again, the FA decided that it was perfectly legitimate as it was below the waste and Aguero would be needed against Spurs this weekend. Such tackles of course are not as dangerous to the footballing world as mildly offensive tweets.

To the ladies of the world, you're welcome. Love Vincent

Of course Aguero's tippy tappy tushy moment wasn't the only call that Foy and his team of 'experts' decided that systematically undressing Fernando Torres when he's clear on goal is also completely normal in terms of the rules of the game. Word on the street is that Budweiser also sponsored that moment to increase female indulgence of their cheap swill, but that has yet to be confirmed. Either way, between taking a game of two halves far too literally, Benitez fielding the wrong lineup and stubbornly refusing to change it, Lampard and Terry watching on, and some shocking refereeing Chelsea find themselves out of yet another competition.

With Benitez needing a win somewhere on his CV in order to secure decent employment, he may want to sit and have a little think about what he's just done. New Wembley is not a place that Chelsea go to and often lose. It's not a place to have an in-form striker and a record breaking midfielder for spectators. But at least no one went out and tried to fight a horse.

It's all about Thursday Night Cup now.

jb x