This Weekend in the Premier League ... Chelsea manage a win! City and Liverpool Do Not

Cech feels oddly protective of his
ball(s) around Cole 

As it's already Tuesday, there should really be some thought provoking analysis from the weekend in this space. And if that's what you're expecting, you may just want to stop now. Feel free to read any future pieces here though, don't let the haphazard nature of this one put you off. (Although the pictures clearly make your venture here completely worth it - words are overrated) My approach to this week's writing is similar to that of Chelsea's interim manager - cliched, formulaic and only successful by some whiff of luck.

If you were lucky enough to merely catch Match of the Day or -just- the scoreline from Chelsea's match with Wigan it was flattering to say the least. 4-1 was a bit harsh on a Wigan side that were organised and looked like they would draw level at any point. Chelsea's first half was what we've all come to expect at this point - although with excellent contributions from Azpilicueta (no need for the "Dave" bollocks here) and even one Fernando Torres. He may be the favourite whipping boy, but he looked lively and if it weren't for Al Habsi being on top of matters, would have scored. This all does of course mean, Benitez has blagged himself at least another week of like for like substitutions. #Fahct

Frank Lampard of course continued his quest to make the board look as ludicrous as possible. Something Chelsea supporters expect at this point anyways with the comedy duo of Gourlay and Buck in charge - but its all got a bit much, hasn't it? It's like a massive game of chicken has erupted between Lampard's camp and the board. Note to Brucey and Ronald: he's just going to keep scoring, and this will be the daftest you've ever looked ... and you've certainly provided a lot of instances for that to become some feat. Give the man a contract already. What else could he possibly give you. I'm thinking first born an unlikely option - but we may be able to provide you with some sort of sacrificial virgin. Sex yet undetermined.

Elsewhere in the league, because there is an elsewhere in the league, Southampton made City look pedestrian. With Joe Hart Rob Greening it on the first goal and Gareth Barry scoring an own goal that may quickly have him under Europol's watchful eye. He arguably had a better game for Southampton than Jonathan Walters did for Chelsea a few weeks back. Fantastic finish if you haven't seen it.

Feeling aggrieved by the "foul"...
or finding Jesus. We'll never know.

Last night saw some action at Anfield where Steve Clarke made quite a return. And by quite a return, I clearly mean West Brom were beaten by a mundane side all over the pitch. And without the heroics of Ben Foster would have found themselves possibly even scored on my Jonjo Shelvey. Gerrard continued his stellar penalty record with having his third in seven saved. And if you managed to sit through the tedium that was the first 80 minutes, you were all richly rewarded by a couple of fantastic goals. The second of course coming from the largest 19 year old in the world - Lukaku. His time in the midlands has done him some good, he'll be a bit of a handful once he's man sized. The real moment of the match had to be the announcement for a Mr Lowe to make a claim in lost property. Points will be awarded for guessing just how many Mr Lowe's laid claim to the 'property' at Anfield.

Clearly the elsewhere in the league goes on more than these three matches. But that's what Match of the Day and charisma vacuum Alan Shearer are for. But for those of you not bothered and want a summary, United keep winning, the NE do not. QPR have decided to mix it up from all those draws by bending over for Swansea and Spurs do nothing to debunk their one man team myth by letting Gareth Bale run the show.

Enjoy the Champions League Europa League this week because any other competition in Europe right now is just so last season. Who'd want to watch Real Madrid take on Manchester United when you could be watching Anzhi Makhachkala v Hannover 96.

jb x