Benitez: The Hardest Man in Football this Weekend

Benitez opted for no jacket rather than wear
this one!*

It's one thing to brave the boos that Benitez no doubt expects, and maybe in a Blatter-esque way of thinking, thinks those boos are because he's a star. But the sizeable character walked up to the touchline in just his suit! No jacket, and not a snood in sight. As everyone around Stamford Bridge doubled in size from Christmas leftovers obscene amounts of lager the extra layers of clothes they sported, this man, this man decided to show the world his suit does now fit. Of course his bravery was made all the more obvious by standing next to man sporting a sleeping bag.

Barring the incredible fashion on display in the snow, there was actually some football played at the Bridge. Admittedly, not too many of the home fans were looking forward to this one - and with that one massive win against Villa, it's easy to understand why. And like most of Chelsea's games under the reign of terror Benitez, it was *pause dramatically for cliche* a game of two halves. It's difficult to describe the match as anything but.

Chelsea started brightly and looked like they were up for it. Was it the occasion or just the snowball fights at Cobham that prepared them? It didn't hurt that Arsenal were relatively hapless in the first 45 minutes giving Chelsea the confidence that they so desperately need. The men who had the mental fortitude to take down Barcelona without their captain at Camp Nou have been replaced with some fragile egos. At the first sign of trouble, the team crumbles faster than the dignity of Celebrity Big Brother contestants. I of course use the term 'celebrity' here -very- loosely.

Torres' go faster haircut - now with
moderately improved speed

In the last two matches it's beginning to look like the team talk is as follows:

"All of that passing and control you had in the first half ... forget it. Just put it aside. Forget what you've done - or that you're even a professional footballer for a moment. I like to keep it interesting, no?"

Couple the rousing dressing room inspiration with the innovative substitutions. And by innovative I, of course, mean like for like and far too late to be in any way effectual. Call me crazy, and many of you have, but when you've got a fragile lead and you've got 5 minutes to go - maybe throw on a defender rather than leave yourself open for a counter attack.  I know you're thinking I must be drinking - and you may not be wrong there - but there's no shame in defending a lead. Lucky for Chelsea it all worked out on this occasion. And Blue is the Colour is a catchier song to leave to than Arsenal's classic BOOOO.

Never buy if you can't upgrade. 

195 and counting. Sign him up.

Away from the actual nonsense on the pitch, the nonsense in the boardroom has begun to see the error of their ways. They too may be enjoying a few G&T's. Its cold outside, so why not? A bit shocking that its taken them 6 months to realise that maybe they do in fact need Ashley Cole to stay. Cole could walk into just about any club in the world as the first choice left back. Why would Chelsea want to keep a player like that?! At least they've rectified that for the next 12 months - now if only they thought that a man who's scored 195 goals from midfield deserved a renewed contract ...

Karma is a bitch ... will Collymore try and hit her too?

Not often I include any video footage here, but after the game, this Talksport caller definitely deserves some exposure. Not for what he said, but how he said it. After Collymore asked Zane what he thought about Lampard, Zane's reply was "he hit that penalty like you hit Ulrika". If you're a fan of awkward silences, this one wins. It wins all the awkward silences of all awkward silences. But the brilliance in Zane mugging off Collymore was the simplicity of the delivery. Casually just reminded him that he hit women. Although I judge you for listening AND calling in to Talksport, I applaud you Zane for your casual hit on Collymore. If only he'd been so delicate.

Listen to Zane here.

Until Wednesday ...

jb x

*I appreciate Roman not wanting to throw away a perfectly good winter jacket, but this is just budget control gone mad.