Chelsea v United: Almost Let a Good Game of Football Ruin Headlines

Does this look like the face of someone who would
say offensive things to players?

We were 90 minutes away from getting through the weekend where the papers on Monday would be littered with *gasp* discussion of actual football. Except of course from Norwich’s turgid affair with Aston Villa where there was 90 minutes of wishing something - anything - would happen. In fact - I could go so far as to say we were 45 minutes away from it. Even Rio Ferdinand helped the cause (and you know he loves a cause) ahead of kick off by doing the unthinkable - behaving like a grown up and shaking Ashley Cole’s hand.

Where did it all go wrong?

Looks likely the problem was Chelsea didn’t just collapse at the first sign of adversity after falling quickly behind. They had the audacity to dig deep, man up and reorganise to make Sunday’s affair a proper game. How dare they not follow SAF’s script! And who is this little bearded man ruining the party with a free kick that managed to just curl into De Gea’s net?

By the time Chelsea levelled in the second half - it became apparent something had to happen - and quickly. Step up Branislav Ivanovic. Took his red like a man and just walked off the pitch. No question was that deserved - but did put Chelsea on the back heel with 10 men. But these 10 men only made matters far worse for themselves by not only holding their own, but arguably outshining their 11 counterparts. 

This was not looking good for anyone. And by anyone I mean just United and more importantly one Mark Clattenburg. A man who let SAF down last October by letting the better team win 6-1. He had not been allowed the privilege of taking charge of a United match - until yesterday. And with 10 men Chelsea dominating United, you can see how the man might panic.

And from what was a brilliant and open game descended into all holy hell. 

The fight between Ferguson and RDM really got it all going. Di Matteo was about to bring Sturridge on for Torres as he was on a card, and had another game to play on Wednesday. Fortunately, he doesn’t have that to worry about anymore. As the two managers had some handbags in front of the bewildered fourth official, Clattenburg thought he’d help out and get Torres off for Di Matteo. Not sure that the red card was really the way to go, but there we have it. Chelsea down to 9 (9 of which were not John Terry or Frank Lampard), and United were with the added strength of the team of officials.

This was as bad as it could get, surely .... 

It occurred to me at this point, I was far too lucid for this and really shouldn’t have foregone the pre-match drink. In fact, this all could be my fault for mixing up my own pre-match routine of having far too much gin a sensible beverage before stumbling to my seat making my way to the game. 

The linesmen of course wanted in on all the fun and games. They couldn’t let Clattenburg steal the entire show - so why not award the winning goal to Pocket Produce from a completely offside position. Unless of course setting up a Glasto tent and camp fire in goal before popping out to score isn’t offside? 

Lead by Evra and Ferdinand, I expected nothing less than the upmost sportsmanlike conduct from the rest of the United players. I’m sure they didn’t approve of the players running into the North Stand to wind up the home supporters to the point of a near riot. Lucky no female stewards were around to be kicked. Although one steward has suffered after trying to protect these pinnacles of professional behaviour. 

And at the final whistle, it all ended amicably with everyone holding hands and skipping down the tunnel ... while Chelsea supporters blew kisses up from Gate 15 to GNev.

Or ... 

Alex Ferguson admits that Jonny Evans fouled Torres - but goes on to say its his fault. Of course its his fault to have the ball and try and score. God. What was he thinking? The cheek of it. If anyone has a moment to explain to me how something can be both a foul and a dive, I'd appreciate it. Ta.

Shortly after the final whistle and the ground had cleared, there were accusations of racial abuse towards players. With John Terry safely tucked away on the Chelsea bench with resident chap Paolo Ferreira, it couldn't have been him.

Well this is awkward

It emerged that Chelsea have placed a formal complaint against Mark Clattenburg. Not for the horror show that was his refereeing - but for using abusive language against two of their players. Although it sounds a little like the pot calling the kettle Anton Ferdinand, it is a serious allegation which could have been avoided if Clattenburg had apologised as requested immediately following the match. Instead, the man who asked the City bench ‘How do you work with Craig Bellamy all week?’ - and then sent him off during the match refused, possibly forgetting he was miked up. The rumours are that he said some form of racial slur against John Obi Mikel and called little Juan Mata a Spanish tw*t. Luckily the Beeb got cultural specialist and former referee Jeff Winter on the matter who said referees should be able to verbally abuse players. Excellent defence. 

And the seat Michael Carrick triumphantly carried onto the pitch as a trophy to grass up Chelsea supporters - who he helped incite in the first place will be replaced before Wednesday’s sequel. But sequel’s are never better than the original. So there’ll probably just be 90 minutes of football to worry about.

Not to worry Chelsea supporters - I’ll strap a flask of gin to myself Wednesday.

Chelsea stewards - ignore the flask or run the risk of flying seats. Or at least whatever I can manage to toss your way.

jb 

@cfc_jb