The Morning After The Night Before

Balotelli's strenuous training regime was really
England's downfall.

Despite there being that terrifying moment of ‘logic’ that the expectations of a nation were so low that they had some how torn the space time continuum and actually turned into expectation again - we all know that at the end of the day, this was never going to be ‘the’ year for England. Comparing that rag-tag bunch of misfits to that of another team that happened to win the Champions League this year is too easy - and far too off the mark to be a viable comparison. There have been a number of questions about Chelsea’s season this past year - the answer was never to be found in Jordan Henderson.

Surely the ‘expectations were so low that England can succeed logic’ was the most ridiculous thing said about the England team? Right? RIGHT? No. Enter Mark Lawrenson. How this man gets paid to speak about anything, let alone football is beyond me. But telling a nation, unironically, that their best defender was a man who scored for Sweden after keeping everyone onside was really my Lawro-light of the tournament so far.

Yet, despite myself, I went into last night confident that England could and would in fact go out against Germany. How confident was I? Well, I was brimming with such confidence that I chose to be the other white meat in an Italian sandwich. It makes me slightly wistful for the first 15 minutes of last night’s match, when I smugly thought this may have been one of my best ideas to date. But as the clock ticked on I was reminded that I was still watching the same England that I always have done. Even one without promise, still came with promise. 

Promise of course came in the form of a squat young man with male pattern balding issues. How does a man that comes with such promise always fail to deliver? The same could be said for the team as a whole, but thankfully that whole no expectations trope didn’t get played out in the press for the past two months... Yet Rooney, and all of his club teammates not only failed to deliver, but made me wonder if we should bring on Carroll and even Downing. Downing! I’d like to be the first to claim this is clearly an inside job coming from a certain Scot with a certain alcohol based dependence. His distaste for England and the possibility of his star charges returning with injury have made him step up his efforts of sabotage. Getting GNev in the mix was a clever way of ensuring tactics were: United players to avoid tackles, strenuous passing, shots on target, and extensive bouts of effort. Job done.

Of course it wasn’t all missed penalties and lack of possession. There were some bright points - mainly in the form of the former captain who proved in every match that he was chosen for ‘footballing reasons’. Carroll, powered by Absolut, managed a brilliant header against Sweden. And there was of course the England fans, who’s staunch refusal to take part in the Mexican wave and reveled in getting booed amused and impressed. The racist abuse coming from fans however to the Ashleys is a whole lot of what's wrong with twitter. The only thing Young should have been abused for was for his consistently poor performances match after match, culminating in an abysmal penalty.

Penalties, England’s achilles, along with a shockingly poor midfield were always going to be the downfall. Easy to blame players here, but at the end of the day is really 50-50. Or if you’re England 99-1. And although I’m not going to criticise Hart (pulling my own Lawro-light here), as he is a world class keeper, his walk to the goal ahead of penalties may not have been the most intimidating of displays. Buffon stalked over to the goal looking like he was about to whack someone whereas Hart skipped and giggled his way into position. I’m pretty sure he thought there was sunshine and lollipops waiting for him over there. I love his zest for life, but maybe next time, and there will be a next time, let’s hope for a little more intimidation and a little less rainbows and unicorns.

Too soon to start making plans and placing expectations on England for Brazil?

See you there.

jb xx