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| You know what? Those hair extensions are doing Rooney a world of good. |
.....because there is actually panic on the streets of London. What does this mean, Morrissey is a prophet and Joey Barton is now the happiest man in the world.***
Sorry I'm a tad late with this one lads I had to pick up a plasma, some x-box games and as many trainers as I could handle....er...anyways...
To those of you who looted The Body Shop... The Body Shop? Really gentlemen?... um...actually...I could do with some Satsuma lotion. Just saying.
So, since Danny Dyer is somewhere walking amazingly around Croydon about now where it's got proper naughty, he's really left all of football to us. So get your jackets zipped and white trainers on!
Despite pre-season just ending (and Championship beginning)...oh and some large plate being given away somewhere near Green Man, actual matches that actually mattered are starting to be cancelled thanks to a bunch of chavs apparently in desperate need to stick it to the man. And by the man I mean Gregg's. Does their selfishness know no bounds? People need football and pastries - and now will be suffering the week without either. That's right, there'll be no chicken bakes or West Ham match today. Everyone take a moment to reflect...
And while the rest of you are reflecting I'm going to take a moment to use this space for supporters at my local. Hey guys, remember that time when I proudly ponced in and was wearing my Sturridge shirt and you laughed at me? That is all.
The constantly rotated back line of Chelsea finally showed weakness (that wasn't Ross Turnbull) and conceded our first actual goal of the pre-season. It stung a little. The goal was early, the back line a bit of shambles, the travelling support arguably beyond day drunk (from the night before). I judge.* Thankfully, it was the last opportunity for everyone to show AVB and Robbie what they could do. And one Mr. Sturridge certainly rose to the occassion. He has been out to impress ever since joining from City and is taking the shot he has been given. He did my shirt proud. I'm sure that really matters to him. Chelsea have been missing someone in front of goal who can just put whatever rubbish given to him in. Not to say that was the situation on Saturday. Drogba was as dangerous as ever. He may not have ended up on the score sheet himself, but was definitely a whole lot to handle. Danny and Didier would be two of the first names I'd put on the sheet Sunday (if Danny weren't serving that ban of course). Nico, we've had a good run. We really have. But you didn't want to show and tell as much as the other boys in Glasgow, and you may have to spend some quality time on the bench with Ross and think *must do better*.
Back to this Derby match. Obviously the
Er...I've just been informed that it was not in fact Manuel Almunia. After the second goal, I was sure I'd seen him somewhere before. [Ed note: Dear any of the 17 strikers at Chelsea - when facing Manchester Red shoot anything you want from outside the box, it will probably go in.] There was also the fact that Rio "steal other people's phrases and annoy everyone with them" Ferdinand was so busy planning his next clothing line, modelled by none other than everyone's favourite - James Corden, he may have forgot that he was involved in Big Mac Plate and that he was meant to be marking Dzeko.
But the most important part of Big Mac Plate - the mystery of the semi final wink gate was solved. Balo Couture will always outshine any fashion line that Rio has Gavin & Stacey's Smithy modelling. Possibly because he is bedazzled like the disco ball in my gay bessie's room. It was rumoured that one Mario Balotelli left wearing "gold puffa jacket, knee-length denim shorts (diamond hem) and glittering-gold suitcase." This is a man who could clearly give a *&$@ ...Rio is rumoured to be so jealous after sporting those short shorts, that Mario has outdone him once again.
It has also been rumoured that it was the diamond hemmed shorts that started the riots in North London as Chavs across the area searched high and wide. Sorry gents, that type of bedazzling is a Balo Couture original. You're not going to find it in General House Clearance on Lordship Lane.
Oh and welcome to London Town Romelu Lukaku. It's a fantastic time to have a little bus tour around the city before you head to training. Just try and not get hit by a missile before you've had a chance to pass your medical.
jb xx
http://twitter.com/cfc_jb
*I'm jealous.
**I might also be drunk from the night before.
***anyone with access to twitter knows that he may now be the angriest man in the world as he's been incorrectly quoting Nietzsche and should have stuck to quoting Smiths lyrics all along.
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